How do I actually 'leave'

[doubleshift]

The counselling is coming to an end and I've decided the marriage is over. I'm out of love and we've had separate rooms for months.

But how do we actually 'split up'? I can't afford the family home alone as I couldn't buy my half to allow him a home somewhere else. So if we sell the house I think we will both struggle to find a small 3 bed each in the location we are in. Can't change area as have children at schools one of whom has an EHCP so can't even change school. Rents are even higher than our mortgage!
I earn around £40000 as a teacher but I don't think I can get much mortgage on my own with that!

How do we make it affordable to split up?

I would contact a financial advisors to find out what options are available for you buying your H out of the family home.

How long is the current mortgage for? You could consider extending it to make payments more affordable. You could then review things when the kids have left home/gone to university and downsize.

There should be ways around this OP.

This is what we did:

Split all assets 50/50. He had much more pension than me but could get a bigger mortgage, I needed the house equity as I wouldn't have been able to borrow enough. We sold the house and I bought a cheaper one in a cheaper area with a mortgage that I could afford the monthly payments on. He bought a house with a small deposit he got from the settlement. He ended up with a big mortgage but lots of pension, I ended up with a small mortgage and virtually no pension, but I felt that was worth the sacrifice for my freedom. Teachers pensions can be shared to transfer assets from one party to another in such a settlement, you might need to get advice about how this works. I am so glad I made this choice, my kids were very young at the time but they are now teenagers and I now happily married to someone else.

Sounds like you have to downscale your housing expectations.

Many single people lead adequate lives on your salary, but perhaps not n large nice homes.

Or the nesting concept where you and your husband take turns living in the house with the kids. Have you considered that? Do either of you have family nearby to stay with?

What are the children's ages?

You don't have to have sex.

Sorry OP.

Could a 'bird's nest' arrangement work for you ?

Your primary concern laudably seems to be the children not having to leave the family home. This way they don't. You and your partner take turns to be there with them and also take turns in a 1-bed flat or similar elsewhere. Less disruptive for them and less expensive for you guys.

'Bird’s nest custody': The smart new way to divorce (telegraph.co.uk)

How much equity do you have in the house? Is there a way it could be split that enables you both to have a deposit?

I left 11 years ago when my kids were 4 and 7 and I only had a part time job. We both had to move to a cheaper house in a cheaper area, it was the only was it was possible.

Even with an EHCP I am sure a new school could take your child. In the end a different area with cheaper houses might be better than all of the other options available.

This is what we did: put together all assets and split 50/50. My pension was virtually nothing so I got most of the equity from the house, but ended up with hardly any pension. My ex got all of his pension plus a small deposit and he bought a new build shared ownership house.

If you have equity on the house and can manage it, I would try and buy something, even if you have to compromise. That will give you some stability. It just might not be your perfect house. I looked for the cheapest place I could live that was in commuting distance to where I needed to be. It worked out OK and 11 years later I still live in the same house with my second husband and the kids, who are now teens.