Can't cope with his moods anymore.

[Whatcanwedotohelp]

I have 2 kids 4 and 1.
My partner of 10 years never wants to do anything. On a weekend I make plans and he causes a huge argument each time because he doesn't want to go. He says I pick boring places. The kids hate it. They don't they love it. How is difference parks, softplays, theatres and nature/animal parks boring? He then tells me he will take my kids out on his own without me because I'm "miserable" which of course I've got annoyed each time he trys to ruin/stop plans. All I want is to be a normal family and go to the park on a weekend etc ride the bikes without him having a huge argument with me over it. I went upstairs to have 10 minutes as I feel so frustrated by him and he's taken my 4 year old out in the car apparently to wash the car. He didn't tell me he was doing this. I don't understand why he does all this. When we go to these places he will blame me for any thing that goes wrong/if one of the kids play up he will say it's my fault for organising us to go there etc. Please help me deal with this.

It’s not you, it’s him. He is a fun sponge who will continue to do you down and ruin your kid’s childhoods in the process. This is not a relationship of equals.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

What is the situation re the property and finances?. I take it as read you are not married to this man. This relationship is over anyway because of the emotional abuse he meets out to you all. How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?.

He’s not into you anymore. You need to split and stop trying to fix something which can’t be fixed

Doesn’t sound like family stuff with the four of you is what he likes.
what does he do weekdays that exhausts him every weekend?
what would he like to do on the weekends?

I couldn’t remain with someone like this. There’s nothing wrong with the places you chose to go to, perfectly normal family days / few hours out. What does he suggest if he’s such fun? Do you want to continue to live like that? I couldn’t

Can you not ask him to choose something that he thinks you will all enjoy on the weekend or is it simply that he doesn't want to do anything?

Does he have a realistic idea of what weekends are like with small children? I think some men still expect to "chill" at the weekend as they did before.

Sounds like he doesn’t want to be part of the family anymore - take some steps to leave

I take it you have pointed out that hanging out in soft play isn't your idea of a dream weekend but you do those things FOR THE KIDS.

He isn't doing these things for you.

I would just ask him questions, what does he expect parenthood to be like? Does he think going to a car wash a great trip out? Has he looked at the day from your children's point of view?

Is the rest of your relationship balanced? Do you work? Or are you financially reliant on him and you do all childcare, housework, I am assuming without being married, putting yourself in a financially vulnerable position for the future.

Does he dictate what meals you eat, watch you watch on TV?

Has he ever been fun?

But a way to handle people like this is to just ignore them largely. If his complaining doesn't suck any energy out of you it will lose it's appeal. So at soft play "oh have a go on the slide it might cheer you up" "tell you what you sit with the bags we are going to play" "is this not Instagram enough for you" just don't rise to it. At home, if he starts complaining say nothing let him run out of steam and then calmly explain, I am going upstairs, kitchen, or we are going to get the train set out in here if you don't want to listen to choo-choo I advise you go to the bedroom with your phone etc.

Just calmly ignore it all basically. Listen then get on with your day as if it never happened. If he doesn't want to be part of family life then remove family life from him. Suggest he goes upstairs on his phone on his own you lot have other stuff to do. Men hate being ignored. He wants to bring you down. Don't let him. And don't become financially dependent on him either.

You've got to let go of any idea that you can unpick this with the right words. It's not normal to cause arguments over this. Loving partners don't see setbacks as a way to blame you. Loving partners don't want to cause you pain all the time. Talking to partners like this is an exercise in madness. Step back and decide how to proceed. This won't change, this is your life now unless you find the clarity to bring this to an end.

I don't understand the set up here- he's your DP of 10 years but you call your DC 4 and 1 "my" DC. Is he their dad?
He does sound awful but could it be a stage? I expect advice would differ depending if he's their father or not x

Yes they're his kids.
I work part time only.
His idea of a weekend is chilling on the sofa, sleeping in. Going on his phone.
Have asked what he wants to do but says he doesn't want to do anything because he's tired from working all week.

I know a few introverted Libra husbands like that. I wonder what his star sign is.

I bet if he makes plan there a go ahead and happy to go out can't stand men that pick fights over family time, defo agree if something goes wrong " see this is why we can't do nothing as a family " "is your fault" blah blah ... too many out there like this!

We are both gemini! Lol! So not the most introverted of signs.

Star signs are a complete irrelevance here.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?

You have a choice re this man OP, your children do not. Would you want them as adults to have a relationship like this, no you would not. It’s not a good enough relationship for you either.

My husband is an 'introverted Libra'. He still spends his weekends doing housework, going on days out and looking after our 3 small kids. Because he's not a selfish twat.

I had one of these. Life was infinitely better as a single mum than it was with his miserable arse dragging the mood down every weekend.

Just leave.

He's a Dementor, not into you and not into family life. I mean he's not hiding this. He's just not interested. It's up to you to choose whether you can be bothered with all this for years on end.

So he wants to snooze on the sofa, play with his phone, take his car to be washed. He wants his old bachelor life back. He just isn't in to being a family man.

It sounds like he's checked out of being a dad. I don't think it will get any better. Sorry

I don't understand why he does all this

There's no riddle here, @Whatcanwedotohelp . He doesn't like doing what you like doing, and he's not being very nice about it. What's confusing you?

Rather than working out why he does what he does, work out what you want to do about your issue, and then work out what steps you need to take. Then take them. Otherwise you'll still be pondering about the inner workings of his mind when your kids have left home. Do you really want your life to be that?