Helping sister see DP is making her life miserable

[Calliemom]

I don't know what to do. My older sister has been in a relationship for a long time with a guy that no one in our family ever really liked. They have been living together for about 7 years & have a three year daughter. over that time DSis has gone from being an outgoing person who loved a laugh a nd a drink and a night out to being really unhappy. He is always finding fault with her (what she wears, how she talks etc). A few years ago he made her move to a different town because of his job and she left behind her freinds. Ever since then she has been miserable, but he says they can't move back because of money. He earns ten times what she does so this cant be true.. And it turns out that doesn't share any of his salary with her, even for groceries etc? I just cant believe that and I only found this out in the past year or so and I have been really worried about her since then. Anyway now she has just told us he's having an affair with a woman he works with (I think his boss?) for the last six months. DS told myself and DM about this but told us not to tell anyone. Instead of being angry DS seems to think it's her fault becuase she was spending too much time caring for her little girl and not enough time with him 🙄 I just can't understand this way of thinking. We live a few hours drive apart so I don't see her that frequently but every time I do see she seems to be in a worse state. DM and I have no idea how to help her see this guy is no good for her, and her life is so much worse with him in it, she just says she loves him and hes a good dad etc. What can I do to help her? Does anyone have any advice or been in similar situation? I am so worried for her

Unfortunately there's not much you can do apart from be as supportive as possible, and it sounds like you are. She has to realise this for herself.

You just have to be there for her until she works it out for herself. You could say something but maybe she isn't ready to hear it yet.

This sounds like economic abuse and she needs help. She has been so controlled by him that it is her new normal and she can't see the wrong in him. Could you possibly send her some links to Womens Aid or Surviving Economic Abuse websites so she can read about it in her own time? Seeing the words in black and white might help her realise what's going on and there's lots of support on there.

He obviously doesn't love her as much as she thinks if he's had an affair! This will not end well. You could even report this if you felt able, depending on the extent of the abuse it could be an arrestable offence. You need to think of your little niece's future here too, what a rubbish dad he is.

I'd make sure I was firmly in her life, spend time with her as much as possible, phone her a lot and make sure she knows she has support and someone to run to. I'd keep it light, boost her self confidence by reminding her who she was before him, how strong and fun and happy she was, and then you bide your time, you can't help her until she's ready to be helped.