My ex constantly laments the fact that he and our 18 year old son "aren't close", but as said son says, why would they be "mates" when he's only ever had one parent - and that's me...? Ex left, literally overnight, when son was 4, immediately replacing us with a brand new family (his other woman had their daughter on the day that we split - indeed, this was the cause of the split, coupled with his absolute cowardice over the whole thing!). He saw our son (but never our then 12-year-old daughter) EOW for 9 hours... so 18 hours a month. Unless he was "too busy", of course, or on holiday. Very often, our bewildered son would be left spending his supposed time with his father, with other members of his extended family instead, which I know upset him a lot at the time. Ex has never had him overnight, never paid a penny towards his upkeep, encouraged him to flout my house rules, never shown any interest in his education, and never spent any time one-to-one with him (there's always at least one half-sibling, or grandparent/cousins around). The entire adult side of the family have spent the last 4 years (since I stopped facilitating son's relationships with them) telling him that I'm a "bad parent", and trying to get him to do things behind my back. They whine that he doesn't communicate with them, they know nothing about his life, it's all my doing, poor them...!
In comparison, I knew far more about what my son gets up to than I particularly want to, have met his girlfriend, watched (and feel proud of) him flourish despite adversities, and although I'm parent to him and not friend, he knows without any doubt that I will always be in his corner. I've never bad-mouthed his father, or any member of that side of his family, to him - actually, when it turned out that he's gone NC with his grandparents, because they won't stop trying to tell him who he is, when he's actually the complete opposite, and ex is whining that he won't answer his calls/demands for contact every Saturday (when son wants to be out with his actual friends, not playing "happy families" with people he has little to no reagrd for),I advocated that they do love him, and who knows what the future will bring.
It used to break my heart, seeing the confused little boy try to work out if he was loved by his paternal family as much as his half-siblings/cousins were. It used to make me rage when he was wheeled out to make them look/feel good in front of their friends. Now? I just feel grateful for the resilient, emotionally intelligent young man I've raised. And,okay, a lot of pity for the idiots who threw him aside as/when it suited them, and are now regretting some of their life choices... Son isn't angry with, or confused by them anymore; he no longer feels anything but mild irritation towards them, it seems. I'll admit to finding this a little sad... but more for my son than my ex/his family. They made choices, as adults, disregarding a child - and are now reaping the consequences in the form of that child holding them at arm's length/going NC with them. I was a parent to our son, still am as it happens, and as much as I often think to myself that I could easily live my life without knowing the minute details of my son's love-life/day at college... I'm also grateful that he knows he can tell me, ask for my advice, etc., because I won't/don't judge him. Because unlike his father, I always put my children's best interests before my own.