Sorry for long post, but I'd be grateful for advice. Please be gentle as I know I overthink and have been quite immature.
I'm 36. When I was 23 I met a 26 year old (M) who I dated for 2.5 years. I didn't take M very seriously at the time. My parents had a bad relationship (always fighting and putting each other down, dad had affairs, but they stayed together due to their cultural background) so I think I believed relationships never last and there's no such thing as love.
M was very quiet and barely spoke to anyone except me. He'd say he had a headache if I invited him out with my friends. He had some nice friends when we met but during our relationship he seemed to lose touch with them. He lived alone and worked from home and liked playing video games and reading. A lot of my family and friends said he was too quiet for me and that we weren't compatible and that he'd stop me from living my life fully by holding me back and being resentful when I went out with friends (I think he felt slightly insecure/left out when I went out with friends but he never said anything about it and we never talked about it). I never managed to figure out if he was depressed or what was going on - he was a bit closed off and I didn't make as much effort as I should have to understand him. I can be a bit depressive/ruminatey/anxious myself though I can also be quite adventurous and friendly, so I think my friends thought I should be with someone more outgoing who can lift me up.
However, I felt like he was my best friend. He was very kind, patient, understanding, easy to get along with, handsome, smart, funny, modest and thoughtful (I really value modesty/thoughtfulness), and we had a great sex life. We had lots of fun when it was just us hanging out - cooking, messing about, watching films, going for walks, listening to music. He got on with some of my quieter friends and we had nice times watching films together etc. We were compatible in attitudes and world view. I felt a deep connection and comfortable, understood, accepted and loved.
I had to move to the opposite end of the country for work after 2.5 years of dating so I decided to end it as many family and friends said he was too quiet and not right for me and I thought they must be seeing incompatibilities more clearly than I was. I also sometimes worried that he would withdraw from me too and become complacent in the future. It was only when I ended it that I realised how much he liked me. He cried and said he'd thought we'd get married. After we broke up we had a couple of months of no contact then at Christmas got back in touch and agreed to try being friends which we were for five years, speaking every day. I think it was around that Christmas that I realised that I had (and still) loved him, despite all my previous hangups about there being no such thing as love. But at the same time I thought friendship was more "honest" than dating as romance doesn't last etc. Eventually, five years ago, he said he couldn't speak to me any more as he felt he hadn't moved on. I was very sad but I didn't want to hold him back. We haven't spoken since and I have no idea how he is.
For the first three years after the break up I didn't date anyone. Then I dated on and off half-heartedly (I think due to not believing in relationships, low self esteem etc). In the past three years I've come to believe some relationships can work and I've been more serious about dating. I've gone on lots of dates (hard due to pandemic etc, but some people for 2-3 months each), some of whom I liked but we were incompatible (e.g. one guy we were not sexually compatible, another one couldn't give me the emotional support I need). Last year for 9 months I dated someone who initially seemed friendly, outgoing, and confident, who my family and friends really liked, but eventually I couldn't deal with the increasing swearing, drinking, loudness, putting people (including eventually me) down "jokingly". Several times during that relationship I remembered how much better certain things had gone with M as a contrast to how badly those same things were going in the new relationship.
In the seven months since that break up I've started having therapy, meditating, trying to understand myself better and gone back to dating. In the past 2-3 months I've been thinking more and more about M and wondering if I should contact him again. I still have very strong feelings for him, but we're both different people now. He may have met someone else, he may not want to speak to me, etc. If he were open to giving it another go, I'd have to accept he may never hang out with my friends and I might be invited less to things, and he might always be quite closed off emotionally. I also still worry about the him becoming complacent thing. But of all the people I've dated, I've never felt for any of them the way I did for M.
Did it not work out because I was young and not serious about relationships, or were (some) of my family and friends right that we're incompatible? Do I just want to speak to him again because I'm idealising the past/fed up of dating/lonely/haven't met anyone else? I don't want to lead him on/hurt him again if I'm not sure again. I'm also afraid I'll be devastated if we try and it doesn't work out as he's been my "example of a good relationship". Also people say you know when you've met "the one" so I wonder if he isn't because it's not been straightforward.
Thank you so much for reading all of this if you made it this far. I'd be grateful for your thoughts.
tldr: I broke up with someone 11 years ago as my friends and family said he was too quiet and would hold me back, but I still have strong feelings for him and I've recently been wondering if I should contact him to see if he'd be open to trying again.