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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online Web cam only fans cheating?

19 replies

XxLucyxX · 10/02/2023 19:35

What shall I do? I don't understand what to think or why he is doing this or how common this is? My partner works as a plumber for a local council housing scheme, meaning he enters different strangers homes everyday to work, maybe 5 per day. since doing this job I have found him searching for only fans accounts of people who live in the areas where he works both by individual names and also just by searching for anyone random locally that may come up. I have also found tons of screen shots of different scantily clad young women (in their early twenties) in his photo gallery taken from their social media accounts or from Google searches. He has access to his customers full names from each job he does so I can only think he is looking up women from work from that as their full names are usually in the search box. They are all half naked or pornographic. Some names he has searched repeatedly through google images. I get so worried everyday thinking what he is doing whilst spending time with these women in their homes if he is doing all of this after work what is he doing when he is doing work in their bedrooms and bathrooms. If some of these women are webcammers or have only fans will they be offering sex or is he asking them for their details I do not know. He has also been watching free web cam girls online every single day around the same time as he has googled these people. Maybe 5 different cammers in one go. We have only had sex once now in 3 months but it used to be much more and has always been more initiated by me. 8 do not know if he has always done this weird behaviour of if it is new as I have never thought to find out before now. I have a high sex drive and have tried to be sexual with him so many times recently but he will not have sex with me he says he dosnt want to do it at that moment. We are both 35 and we have been together 3 years. I have 2 children from Previous relationship. These women he is looking at are lots younger than me obviously and are all really thin size 6 or 8 I have noticed and all heavily made up, where as I am probably just as good looking as them I have been told but I am more natural and choose not to wear make up now. I am size 12 with bigger boobs and more grown up and curvy but not over weight or plain. I am so confused as to what he is doing here. Because I have a high sex drive iv also been struggling not having inercourse with him I have tried masturbating but I don't get real Satisfaction I need at all from it at all as I crave the intimacy from my partner not from a quick solo. I wonder if what he is doing is common for men in relationships. Has it got anything to do with how he feels about me. He acts really nicely other than this calls me sweet names and takes me out for special meals when he can. He dosnt go out any where social With out me and we choose to be quite homely and he is usually happy to see me. We don't argue or have any other issues and we did have a very strong bond and in other aspects we share the same views.

OP posts:
Iwantachange · 10/02/2023 19:50

Why would you even want to be with or have sex with such a creepy stalker!!!
No its not normal for a bloke to make a wank folder for every woman he meets and to abuse his knowledge of their details to look them up...

Also of course he doesn't wanna have sex with you, because he wanks all the time to them, so now he can't really perform.. Deathgrip is a thing

Weallgottachangesometime · 10/02/2023 19:57

ah dear, he sounds like a massive creep. Does it matter if anything happens when he goes in these homes? Isn’t him searching out local women online repeatedly bad enough?!

Hohofortherobbers · 10/02/2023 20:01

You deserve better than this, get rid of this loser

watchfulwishes · 10/02/2023 20:04

Oh dear. I would have to end it.

You can meet someone much better who is thrilled to be with you.

Original poster
XxLucyxX · 10/02/2023 20:05

Just to add I actually struggle with normality in a relationship. I have only ever previously had 1 partner for 12 years the father of my children. He was very abusive towards me and because of that I moved cities just me and my children. I don't have really any friends or family to turn to and feel lonely most of the time, I have a small business from Home So I don't go out or meet people for work. I have chronic pain and anxiety and when I met my new partner I have been led to belive he was everything I needed and perfect for me. Apart from this. Thanks

OP posts:
Sorchamarie · 10/02/2023 20:05

Completely disrespectful and disgusting behaviour from your "partner". I'm really sorry. You should really end things before he destroys your self esteem even more (it can't be good if you're putting up with this and think this is even remotely normal in a relationship).

Sandra1984 · 10/02/2023 20:07

Your husband is a creep.

FenghuangHoyan · 10/02/2023 20:12

Porn can be very addictive and teens to get worse. Looking up women he's doing work for is seriously creepy. I don't think he'd be sleeping with them, but do think he's imagining it and would if he could. I'd sadly leave him.

Not all guys are abusive creeps. There are some normal ones among them... Sadly there's too many abusive creeps.

Lost0013 · 10/02/2023 20:14

Oh love, I don't have any useful advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're being put through this x

JasperJohnsPaintbrush · 10/02/2023 20:43

Working for the council he is in a position of trust, and he is abusing that trust badly. PLEASE report him to the council.

I say this because years ago as a young mum in a council house, I had central heating installed, and one of the workmen there noted down my landline phone number from the house phone when I was out of the way.

He then for several weeks afterwards kept phoning me wanting to come round for a 'kiss and cuddle ' and such, and was extremely abusive and threatening when I said no. I didn't dare tell anyone like the police or council as the attitude back then (late 70's) would have been that 'I must have encouraged him' and that 'well, lads will be lads'. I was really frightened.

In the end I caught up with one of his more senior (in age) workmates who had worked in my house, as they worked on other houses nearby, and told him what was going on. So he said he'd 'have a word' which I presumed he did quite successfully, as I was left alone after that.

Your partner is at the beginning of a downward spiral that starts with stuff like this, and could end in rape or murder. Sound OTT? Just look at all the poor women that ARE raped and murdered as the result of this exact behaviour.

MumOf2workOptions · 10/02/2023 20:46

Get rid of him and please report him to the council and the police it's just creepy

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 10/02/2023 20:48

Honestly, his behaviour is not the norm. You absolutely deserve better. Don't waste your time with him, find someone lovely who you can have a mature respectful loving relationship with.

BronnauMawrion · 10/02/2023 20:49

This man is totally abusing his power by using work information to search for women. He's also disrespecting you.
Dump him. And then report him to his employers - this is gross misconduct.

BlueMediterranean · 10/02/2023 20:52

Maybe he is hopping to find these women in Onlyfans so he can blackmail them?

LoekMa · 10/02/2023 20:57

Omg what??? You're more worried about him cheating? My first thought was Jesus Christ, he is looking for his next prey, that is such predatory behaviour.

And to see that what you are worried about is those young women being Sex Workers? Wow. It's really our own gender .. I always wondered what motivates the kind of woman that stands by a man like this.

Reading this, was disgusting.

LoekMa · 10/02/2023 21:00

JasperJohnsPaintbrush · 10/02/2023 20:43

Working for the council he is in a position of trust, and he is abusing that trust badly. PLEASE report him to the council.

I say this because years ago as a young mum in a council house, I had central heating installed, and one of the workmen there noted down my landline phone number from the house phone when I was out of the way.

He then for several weeks afterwards kept phoning me wanting to come round for a 'kiss and cuddle ' and such, and was extremely abusive and threatening when I said no. I didn't dare tell anyone like the police or council as the attitude back then (late 70's) would have been that 'I must have encouraged him' and that 'well, lads will be lads'. I was really frightened.

In the end I caught up with one of his more senior (in age) workmates who had worked in my house, as they worked on other houses nearby, and told him what was going on. So he said he'd 'have a word' which I presumed he did quite successfully, as I was left alone after that.

Your partner is at the beginning of a downward spiral that starts with stuff like this, and could end in rape or murder. Sound OTT? Just look at all the poor women that ARE raped and murdered as the result of this exact behaviour.

I immediately thought of Sarah.

Its men, with wives, partners, in jobs where we trust them into our homes, that are the most dangerous.

And the thought of there being women in their lives who were more focused on "keeping a man" than informing authorities or the relevant superiors of predatory behaviours theY witness.. holy cow.

CamilleRose · 11/02/2023 07:49

@XxLucyxX have you ever looked at the way you met him and the history of your own relationship? Did he also stalk or prey on you? His behaviour seems very engrained, I doubt this has just started recently. The fact you came out of an abusive relationship into this one and do sound very dependent on him for housing and basic needs is worrying. Do you have family or friends you can turn to. I would contact the police and ask to speak to a female officer/detective. What you already know about his behavior is horrendous but he could be doing more that his is hiding from you, such as taking personal items from women’s homes or stalking them online.

Can you move out somewhere safe before contacting the police?

Notjustabrunette · 11/02/2023 08:10

You need to split up with this man as he is a creep. Secondly you need to get a hobby/ get out more and build a life in your new area that doesn’t revolve around a man. This might do wonders for your anxiety.
Both of these won’t be easy, but you will massively feel the benefits.

OneFootInTheDave · 11/02/2023 08:16

This man is a DISGUSTING PREDATOR and needs reporting immediately to both the council and police.

OP you need to cut all ties with this man and get as far away from him as possible.

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