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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I get him out of my head?

5 replies

GraceUnderPresure · 10/02/2023 16:23

I've been divorced for 8 years & brought up my (now adult) daughter mostly on my own. I've stayed good friends with ExH's elderly mum and visit her weekly, which is far more than he does.

Obviously his name comes up in conversation sometimes, but this has got back to him and he's banned her from speaking to me about him! No problem but he said some nasty stuff about me too which left me feeling pretty angry.

His relationship with our daughter isn't great. He rarely contacts her and she's lost all respect for him but they do message each other sometimes, probably monthly? She doesn't always tell me (which is fine). I haven't told her about the ban in case it gets back to him as I don't want him shouting at his mum for telling me.

I'm trying hard to put him out of my mind completely but the things he said and some of the things he's done over the years just keep bringing back this feeling of anger and I don't want to feel like this any more.

I don't have any social media contact with him and only a few mutual friends so I don't see him accidentally, but I just want him out of my head!

Any suggestions please?

OP posts:
Nelly10 · 10/02/2023 16:27

I think you need to stop going around to his mums. It’s not healthy after all this time and you’re never going to move on.

Honestly get rid of the mutual friends off social media too. Out of sight out of mind (eventually).

Original poster
GraceUnderPresure · 10/02/2023 16:31

I couldn't do that Nelly, she's old and lonely, and i enjoy her company. We have agreed not to talk about him any more anyway.

The mutual friends were mine first and he doesn't even see most of them! We never talk about him or comment on the same threads so I have no visibility of him, it's just what's in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
GraceUnderPresure · 10/02/2023 16:32

Oh and I've totally moved on relationship-wise. I'm with a lovely man now who makes the anger disappear when I'm with him 😊

OP posts:
Spottycarousel · 10/02/2023 18:43

Have you tried journalling when the thoughts come up? It can be a really good way of getting stuff out of your system. Write it all out then get on with your day. Next day repeat. At some point you won't feel the need anymore as the angry feelings and thoughts will be gone.

Original poster
GraceUnderPresure · 10/02/2023 18:57

Spottycarousel · 10/02/2023 18:43

Have you tried journalling when the thoughts come up? It can be a really good way of getting stuff out of your system. Write it all out then get on with your day. Next day repeat. At some point you won't feel the need anymore as the angry feelings and thoughts will be gone.

Thanks, I'll give it a go!

OP posts:
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