Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you be annoyed at this?

56 replies

MimiLou1 · 09/02/2023 23:12

DH was away for a week on a lads holiday, which I wasn't happy with in the first place as he takes the piss with his many hobbies and hobby related weekends away and holidays.

He got back on Tuesday. Announced straight away that he had a 'cold' and has been in a foul mood since, sitting around with a blanket and doing nothing in the house or for the DC. He's so grumpy it's ridiculous.

Meanwhile I'm working full time from home, and doing everything else. We have two kids, both younger secondary school age.

Whenever he's been on a holiday or weekend away he's always apparently ill and/or exhausted when he gets home and is moody because of this. He won't even communicate properly and is doing an irritating voice like he's dozing off halfway through a sentence.

Apparently I'm in the wrong for being annoyed.

OP posts:
DogSaysWoof · 10/02/2023 00:33

@randomusername2020
I completely agree.
I'd rather stay alone for the rest of my days than tolerate some drug using, bone idle, mantrum throwing douche bag.

Why are men allowed to get away with it? Why do women tolerate having to pick up the slack all the time. Fuck that shit.

SnoringMicrophone · 10/02/2023 00:34

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/02/2023 00:30

Why the fuck are you accepting this shit.

Be kind. OP might not have the full story/hasn’t until now. And WE don’t know the full story either.

feelingfree17 · 10/02/2023 00:46

Well he certainly wouldn’t be going on another mates jolly. He clearly can’t handle them. And appalling that he should come home and complain about the state of the house, blah, blah! He needs to grow up, or get out!

deeperthanallroses · 10/02/2023 00:55

I would sacrifice the family holiday to be honest, if you can’t fix this you will hardly be staying with him long term anyway so family holidays won’t happen. Tell him he’s clearly decided personal adult holidyas are more important than family holidays as once you take your week off then there’s no funds for a family holiday this year. That’s a shame but you’re not the house slave and if you were a single parent you would happily sacrifice personal holidyas for the dc but you aren’t going to not get any time to yourself so he can take weeks away as you are not the house slave.
i would also say and when I come back if the house isn’t sparkling and the kids and dog well looked after I am not going to help with a single fucking thing but am going to sit on the sofa and be a miserable rude asshole about everything. As I have had the misfortune to learn from you that’s how our marriage works, you can deal with whatever joy killing shit you want to spread around going both ways or you can leave.

Vegansausagevole · 10/02/2023 01:15

Could he be shagging around while he’s away with his mates and using the feeling ill excuse to avoid facing you?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2023 01:18

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

This 100%.

Your husband is shit, you know he's shit, and yet, for some unfathomable reason, put up with his shit. He's fucking useless, and it's mind boggling that your standards are so incredibly low.

Get rid of this fool.

Unicorn55 · 10/02/2023 01:38

Yes sore throat is also a symptom of taking coke. No wonder he wouldn't call doctors

My ex got worse an worse for it taking it more often started to become aggressive abusive and violent on come downs.

Get your ducks in a row and get out

Geppili · 10/02/2023 03:01

Cocaine

ShellsOnTheBeach · 10/02/2023 04:14

Save your holiday money and invest in a divorce lawyer instead.

It'll be money well spent.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/02/2023 04:24

I also immediately thought ‘druggie flu’. He’s on a massive comedown and yes, a week long coke bender will cause a sore throat.

GoodChat · 10/02/2023 04:32

Tell him he's clearly too old for lads holidays now so will have to miss out if he can't handle them

Monty27 · 10/02/2023 05:53

Yes I immediately thought raving drugs or something (if he's into that sort of thing) and about 5 days recovering. Or as above cocaine.
I'd kick him out the next time he planned to book. It's not on. You have joint responsibilities as parents (pun not intentional).
Fuck that!

Beaverbridge · 10/02/2023 07:38

Married bachelor. Don't put up with his bs. That's no way to live or set an example to your children. I'd get legal advice pronto.

Original poster
MimiLou1 · 10/02/2023 11:06

I asked him this morning if he was doing Coke whilst he was away and he was horrified and said no, definitely not

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 10/02/2023 14:00

MimiLou1 · 10/02/2023 11:06

I asked him this morning if he was doing Coke whilst he was away and he was horrified and said no, definitely not

Then why is he being so bloody useless??

How come he can afford to go away with the lads, have expensive hobbies but you can't, because it would jeopardise your family holiday? Do you see how unequal that is?

emptythelitterbox · 10/02/2023 14:24

Yes I'd be annoyed.

He seems to think he's single.

AnotherRandomMale · 10/02/2023 14:27

Unicorn55 · 09/02/2023 23:22

My ex was like this, turned out he was on cocaine with his mates, always came back with a "cold" (blocked nose from all the snorting) and moody through the come down of being off it again.

This.

Was my first thought.

randomusername2020 · 10/02/2023 14:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

DontStopMeNow7 · 10/02/2023 14:47

Assuming you don’t want to actually kick him out /yet there are probably some things you can do to kerb this behaviour:

-Insist he does half of the chores. The essential ones can be yours to do. The other half - if he doesn’t do them then they don’t get done, period. Also, if he point blank refuses then there are other natural consequences: eg. if he’s been away and hasn’t been there to contribute that means you have more to do, therefore you don’t have time to cook for him or do his laundry. Apply this rule across the board. There needs to be continual natural consequences for his decisions.

-If he’s having holidays without you and DCs, and you don’t want to do the same, he doesn’t get to come on holiday with you and DCs. If you can’t afford to go without his financial contribution then they just don’t happen.

-Make sure he is contributing a minimum 50/50 in terms of financial stuff.

-Ask him to stop these holidays away without you and to choose the above instead. The overall point is to stop making up for what he is not doing so that he has to choose between his own selfishness and his family.

-Get your ducks in a row. Because if all of this fails to get him to take responsibility then you will probably be compelled to split from him.

This is what I would do.

TheFlis12345 · 10/02/2023 14:49

He won’t go to the Dr as he knows full well that he hasn’t got tonsillitis. He’s a bit tired and run down after being on the lash for days but knows the ‘cold’ excuse is probably wearing thin so has raised the stakes so he can be a selfish, lazy fucker for a bit longer.

Original poster
MimiLou1 · 13/02/2023 17:56

He's still ill apparently, laying around under a blanket.

OP posts:
Lovetotravel123 · 13/02/2023 17:59

Before seeing the other posts I was going to say that he is on a cocaine comedown. Sounds like others think so too.

TwilightSkies · 13/02/2023 18:04

It would annoy me, yes. But it sounds like it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Bibonelove · 13/02/2023 18:25

Unicorn55 · 09/02/2023 23:22

My ex was like this, turned out he was on cocaine with his mates, always came back with a "cold" (blocked nose from all the snorting) and moody through the come down of being off it again.

My first thought, prob on a come down?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/02/2023 18:38

MimiLou1 · 10/02/2023 11:06

I asked him this morning if he was doing Coke whilst he was away and he was horrified and said no, definitely not

Horrified that you've sussed it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread