Best way to introduce new partner

[Meridithsgrey]

Divorced 3 years. First serious relationship since. Kids are 10, 13 and 15.

If you have been here would you mind sharing how you went about it?

Mine met my partner after a year, they saw photos and we spoke about him first, then we did a video chat and then a week later we met in a cafe for coffee and cake. We then did various park trips together and a few months later he started coming over to the house, we had an overnight a while later and now he's just a regular part of their lives. We plan to live together in the future. They adore him.

I had been seeing my BF for about 6 months. His children and mine are same ages (14 & 16 at the time) We all went out for an activity together (go ape) when we all met for the first time - but I'd been speaking about him to my children for a while before that. We all had a lovely trip out and it was a great first meet up. 3 years on we have the odd get together, either over a meal or BBQ or we've arranged actives together and we've been on holiday twice but we don't live together. Works for us.
Dont listen to the "don't introduce a new BF for 2 years (or whatever)" line you'll get on here. You know when the time is right.

Dont listen to the "don't introduce a new BF for 2 years (or whatever)" line you'll get on here. You know when the time is right.

If you're not confident enough in the relationship to make a proper commitment, such as becoming engaged (or equivalent of you're not wanting to marry), then you shouldn't introduce your partner to children that are young enough for him to become a step-dad to them. It's just unfair on them. For older teenagers then it's different.

As has been mentioned on here, it's the younger children who have had a harder time adjusting, so to force that when you aren't properly committed is irresponsible and, frankly, bad parenting.

On MN, many people are generally perplexed when anyone suggests such a commitment after anything less than 2 years (still the honeymoon period supposedly), so if they also simultaneously think that introducing them to their boyfriend after just a couple of months or so is reasonable, then they should give their head a wobble. Of course, if you're sure after less than 2 years, then that's different.

Get him to pop by one night to just say hi so they see him. When he's there ask him if he wants to come for tea another night. Then he comes for tea but goes. Then he pops in again for a bit longer etc etc. Easy does it, slowly slowly. Maybe meet him for walks out with the kids or coffee etc. Eventually he'll become part of the furniture. As a child who met many of my parents partners the most successful partners were those who respected and knew we(the kids) came first and they were back of the queue until we said otherwise.

Those that pushed in or took too much of our parents away from us frankly got hell and we were horrible difficult children on purpose 🤣.

Those that started to lay down the law we fought against with all our might and made life for everyone horrible until we'd got rid 😁. I know we were awful but kids protect their parents and siblings.

Oh and before you bring him into the family to meet the kids show them a picture of him and tell them when you've seen him etc. Start to mention his name more as a friend. Don't just bring in "Dave" whose never been mentioned. This doesn't go down well either