Feeling sick / unsympathetic family

[Marinegreen87]

Im a late 20s woman in a new relationship, living away from family etc.

im feeling really unwell today (horrible sickness bug, can’t keep food or water down) and rang my mum for a bit of comfort I guess. She is retired so we often chat through the day when I’m not working.

she wasn’t very sympathetic and just kind of left me to it. I know I probably sound pathetic but feeling horrible with a throbbing headache and just feel sad that my mum can’t say anything reassuring at all

what would you say to your children? Albeit grown up! Am I expecting too much

my boyfriend is at work and is normally amazing but don’t want to bother him

Honestly. What did you want her to do or say?

I would probably say just rest up and drink lots of fluids.

I tell my adult kids to dose up and go to bed. No fuss needed.

Ugh this is like soooo many of my friends’ parents, and my mum too. For example we have all had a vomiting bug, all 5 of went down one by one since Friday so it’s been a bit of a week! She knows but hasn’t asked how we all are 😵‍💫 she’s very much ‘just keep on keeping on’ 🙄 Great thanks mum!

She had her mum around all the time, cleaning her house, looking after her kids etc. I dunno. Sigh.

Its not unreasonable to crave warmth and kindness from your mum when you're sick. I would say it's totally normal. Reassurance might be a bit different depending on what you expected...she can only really say dose up and rest but it's natural to need some warmth in her tone.

You might get some posters saying you're not a child anymore etc but being ill makes us all feel vulnerable and triggers those needy feelings and there's nothing wrong with that. Just managing your expectations of what you want from people might benefit you. Get well soon!

‘Oh that’s really rubbish, all that extra cleaning is the worst! 💐‘ would do!

(Obviously extra cleaning referring to my vomming kids, but substitute as necessary to OP’s situation)

My sons are 41 and 39. I'd say take Paracetamol and keep drinking plenty throughout the day, keep warm. What do you think your mum should have said or done?

As a parent my instinct is to support and reassure my DCs. They are adults but that instinct hasn't gone anywhere. In fact it's stronger in a way as I can't actually be with them.

And it goes both ways, to an extent. They show concern for me when I'm ill.

So I don't blame you for being a bit upset. Especially as you're ill, you feel more fragile.

Perhaps there is a good reason...maybe she wasn't well herself? If she's normally caring? Maybe talk about it when you're feeling a bit better.

I would want to get to you and look after you so I would say that then suggest dry toast and sips of water and I would phone back in a couple of hours to see how you were. But people are different so I don't judge your mum. I'm sure she loves you.

I wouldn't be very sympathetic either, if you had a headache surely being on the phone wouldn't be helping?

what would you say to your children? Albeit grown up!
My children wouldn't phone me to tell me they didn't feel well tbh. If I happened to phone and they said they were ill, I'd say "Oh no, poor you! Get better soon" then leave them alone, as the last thing they'd need is someone talking to them or making them feel worse by fussing.

Thanks all - she wasn’t fussing, she was quite cold. Eg I said I was stressed about what work would think (This is my first sick day for a year) and she muttered something about me being the best judge of that.

She has been sick recently and I felt awful and showed concern so it’s not like I expect it to be one way

what would you say to your children? Albeit grown up! Am I expecting too much

I offer to drive over, pick up dgc from school, walk the dog, bring kids and dog home with me if necessary.
But everyone’s different, maybe your mum thought sip water and stay in bed was enough.
Hope you feel better soon.