Abusive?

[Thiscantbehappening1]

DH comes upstairs with toddler to ask me (fell asleep out of exhaustion, 11weeks pregnant and teething toddler) what I would like to order from the menu for a Chinese (I asked earlier if he fancied one).
Then starts umming and awwing that he didn’t know what to order as all dishes to sweet for him. I think here we go and said let’s order something else then. He says no and complains I’m not giving him enough time and not empathetic. Meanwhile toddler whinging loudly all through this.
Then DH calms down a bit and was like let’s talk through takeout options as doesn’t want Chinese. I am feeling slightly irritated as can feel he wants to have a long drawn out discussion meanwhile our toddler is getting hungry and honestly, I think it shouldn’t take so long.
I say ok well can we decide quickly as it’s getting late. As I say this, our toddler is happily handing him a storybook which he grabs and throws across the room because I’ve annoyed him so much by supposedly not listening/ being too impatient.
Understandably DD is very upset so I take her downstairs and make porridge.
He apologised straight away and says he feels awful and that he must of scared her but I don’t feel good about this.

Do I need to LTB or AIBU?

Huge overreaction by him to ordering a meal. Why had he not fed his child? Everyone knows when you’ve got small children their needs come first.
He sounds immature and self absorbed if choosing a takeaway meal is that challenging for him.
Only you can decide whether leaving him is your best option. Is this an isolated incident.?

don’t LTB. The way you’ve described it, could your dH explain it as follows:

“My Dw suggested a takeaway earlier as we are both too knackered to cook (dc is teething and dw is pregnant so no one is sleeping much and tempers are very short). I’m not a big fan of Chinese but as Dw fancied it, I said OK. Then she went upstairs for a rest, and fell asleep. eventually I thought I should wake her because dc was getting hungry and I hadn’t had time to decide what Chinese to order as was keeping dc quiet so Dw could sleep, I was also kind of hoping she might have changed her mind about the Chinese tbh.

I was just debating menu options out loud but nothing much struck me, but apparently I was too slow and supposed to make an instant decision and Dw suddenly started moaning at me to hurry up (bit rich as she would’ve still been fast asleep if I hadn’t woken her!). Then our toddler - who has been grizzling all afternoon - interrupts with a book right in the middle of the argument and I lost my cool and fling the book away from me. Not at anyone. The whole situation just got blown out of proportion and I’ve just had it up to my eyes with her pregnancy hormones, I’m really trying to sympathise but I’m tired too.

DW is now hugely upset even though I immediately apologised and she has gone off in a huff to make porridge. I know chucking the book away was not great, but I’m only human and the whole family is angry and tired. How can my DW see I am sorry, and make sure we don’t escalate these stupid rows in future?”