Found a birth relative but now toxic family getting in on the act

[Liuckle]

To cut a very long and complicated story short I'm adopted and recently got in touch with a birth relative who I've wanted to find all my life. However other birth relatives have found out and are now in touch with this relative too. These relatives were toxic, abusive and almost destroyed me. I walked away over ten years ago and have found peace and happiness with my own family. I do not want them back in my life so I fear that I will also have to step away from this new relative I have found. They will want a way to get back to me I'm sure. Any advice?

Can you explain all this to nice birth relative, and ask him/her not to forward any contact details or information about you to them? Also maybe meet at neutral places away from where toxic relatives live.

I am sure that if you tell nice relative that you are not in contact with the other person/people and request that nice relative does not discuss you and your family with them or pass on any information about you and your life. You do not have to explain why.

That's a big ask

Op I'm adopted and chose never to open the can of worms, my sister did and it was awful (not my biological sister) and it was a toxic mess. She went NC with all of them.

It's difficult on so many levels.

I may well end up NC with new relative too. No way am I going back into that cesspit. But it would be sad to lose yet another chance of a relationship. But my mental health and my own lovely family (dh and kids) much more important. Why are some families such a toxic mess?!

Were those other relatives in touch with this person prior to this? It's hard to talk about it without knowing who they all are. What's this person's reaction to those people being in touch?

No they weren't
New relative wants information about her birth family which I understand. But has had no history of them.

Can you give information without introducing them? Once you explain the difficulty you had previously they might be wary.