Top tips after a break up, please help

[Breakuphelp12]

I’ve just ended a year long relationship for many reasons but mostly because our long term life goals didn’t align and also because at times he didn’t treat me very well nor recognise how hurtful these things would be.
I know it’s the right thing to do but I feel so sad. We did get on so well and I really do love him. I’m also so terrified of being on my own. My marriage ended a few years ago when my ex husband had an affair and I’m feeling so many similar feelings to this and just finding it really hard not to cry all day.
what are your best tips for working through a break up? I do have good friends and family but we all have young families so making sure I see them all the time isn’t the most realistic at the minute
thanks in advance

Some journal writing at a scheduled time of the day to process feelings

The rest of the time stay busy. Change all the furniture round in your home, buy new bedding, take a different route when going places, take up a new hobby even if it’s just walking somewhere new, long walks are great; keep moving and exercise; double down on self care; go to counselling if necessary; focus on what you do want and not what could have been; distract yourself; plan things to look forward to; plan the year ahead, treat yourself, go shopping, hairdresser etc. Take up mindfulness, colouring. Imagine being with the ideal person instead of with him. Visualisation is powerful.

Hey I’m in the same boat (first relationship after long term ended in a split )

I’m suprised at how much this has rocked me
I still think about him all the time
I’ve been very sad 😞

and I don’t want to ‘get under one to get over one’ either !

we just have to tough it out

it’s probably bringing up a lot of loss too for you

100% no contact , no sign of their existence helps and no communication
keep busy
self care
and time

but I’m also frustrated that I’m not bouncing back - it is what it is hey x

You did the right thing in walking away from a relationship that was not working. You did not share the same long term goals. He treated you poorly as well and this would not have changed. It hard when your going through a brake up but at least you had the courage to end a bad relationship.

At the moment I would do some self-care. See if you could get some counselling to help you through this. Did you grow up in a family or culture where it was very important to get married and or have a family? Do you feel that you have failed in life unless you are part of a couple?
I know so many couples that are in poor relationships. They are staying together because they have children, can't afford to split up or because they don't want to be on their own.

A few years one of my friends went through a bad break up. He decided to end things with her because he felt he could do better. She has since found out a lot of things about him. She
realised that she had a lucky escape when he decided to end things with her.

My friend found this break up hard at the time due to a few different things but she realised that it was time to work on her own life and improving it. She got involved in things and met new people. My friend is still single but she has a nice life. She has good friends and can do what suits her time and money permitting.
She has also realised that she is better off on her own than being in a bad relationship like a number of people she knows.

Get a massage / hairdo
Buy some new clothes
Take a pause to remember who you used to be and what you used to like doing and do it
If you struggle, then remember that you're not the first and won't be the last and that we get through it (picking up a book on surviving break ups can help)
As a PP has said, do mindfulness
Exercise and recreate yourself from the inside out
Don't rush into something new. Heal first. Remember who you are and what you actually like.

Don't look back

You did the right thing, however hard it was. Be proud of that.

No contact is the most important. Absolutely none, no checking social media - nothing. He doesn’t exist in your world anymore it’s time to focus on YOU.

So what do YOU like doing? What makes you happy? Do more of that. Take a class, start a new hobby, plenty of self care, eat and rest as much as you can. Remind yourself that you WILL be ok, it’s ok to feel sad - feel the feelings, acknowledge them. Be kind to yourself x

I went through an absolutely horrendous breakup a few years ago. Didn’t think I would survive it - but I made a list of what I knew I must in order to help myself.

1. No contact. Number deleted, all social media, mute or unfollow his friends if you need to
2. Shower and brush teeth daily
3. Throw away anything that reminds you of them, delete any pictures with them, whole albums - lots of people may say it’s nice to keep the memories, but it isn’t. You won’t look back on them with any feeling, when you do find the right person to be with.
4. Google happy single celebrities, celebrities who have divorced and remarried, or found love later in life - whatever your situation. I know this sounds mad, but I was so desperately heartbroken, worried about being too old to find the right man and have children, that it genuinely made me feel better that these famous people, who seem to have it all, have been through heartache and tragedy, and have come out the other side fighting. Eg. Sandra Bullock, Shania Twain, Petra Nemcova, Scarlett Johansen.

And finally, remember that you can’t change your situation if you don’t change anything - you made the decision for a reason, it doesn’t mean it’s easy, but is a step in the right direction.

You can do this ❤️

Another thing that’s helped is friends with other single mums and single people who get it and have their own dramas in this area

we now have a nice support network

married friends don’t get quite how devastating it is x

you made the decision for a reason

true
I walked away and went quiet as I really was so fucking anxious since we started really

and I knew we couldn’t fix it sadly
and people don’t change

loved him but he made me anxious

then we got get all sad and miss them 😭

but we ended it for a reason !!

also you tube , my favourite is Matthew Hussey

Try heal your heartbreak podcast - she is also on instagram as your break up bestie .
American but very sensible clear and practical advice for getting through this time . I found it very useful .