Advice of husband

[AliSuarez]

Been married for a couple years.
met my husband on a night out after knowing him from school, unplanned and ended up getting married and having a baby.
at the beginning husband was fun and sociable, now he’s the opposite.
I don’t go to social events due to knowing it will cause frictions. He’s not horrible, but he just prefers to stay in and socialise minimally now. He’s quite happy ua and kids, which I love as live my family life, however I am extremely sociable and had an extensive social life before we got together.
he doesn’t want to do anything. He’s happy staying in all the time, even hates friends coming over. To the point where it’s my sisters surprise 30th and she lives away, and I know when I told him he didn’t want to go and it’s already making me cautious about the subject, as I know he would rather not go.
to add to it, we have 3 dogs, he only had 1 when we got together, these dogs cause a lot of friction as I am not a dog lover. This adds to why we can’t go out etc as he will always say about them, which I understand. We’re moving home soon and I am dreading it as just want a nice clean tidy home. But the dogs just cause havoc constantly. They’re trained etc, but I just don’t like anything about them, the fact our lives have to work around them for holidays, days out, my family visiting (which again be doesn’t like as hates socialising now but they still do). These too problems are unrelated so not sure putting in same post is ideal, but any advice welcome!
i love this man. I love this man but can’t imagine having no social life for the rest of my life and just sitting at home doing nothing, it’s bores me and I am very outgoing etc and he knew this! I feel I am loosing myself!

Maybe youd be better livving apart or as friends

So let him stay home, look after his dogs and you go to your sister's party

Does he stop you from going out? Even in the sense that he doesn't "forbid" it but makes a big fuss? Or just that he doesn't want to go with you? If the former - I would plan to leave. I couldn't love someone like that. He sounds quite controlling from what you have described. Fuck that.

You don't sound very compatible

Is it just he doesn't want to come, or does he not want you to go? Sometimes I'm a bit anti social (job means I am socially on, and being my best self 40 hours a week so emotionally exhausted by some weekends). Sometimes I'll say no thanks you go but I don't fancy it so I'll stay at home with the kids and save the babysitter.

What is there to love about such a man, a man who is controlling your access to a social and family life outside the home?. This is abusive behaviour from him and is about power and control.

He is also using the dogs to keep you within the home. You will have this exact same situation in a new home and you will lose yourself if you remain with him.

I would urge you to consider if you want to stay with him or not. Do also read Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft.

Whose idea was it to move , his in the main?

are you moving a lot further away from your own family?

You say he only had 1 dog when you met which is fair enough but why has he ended up getting another 2 when you don't like them? Doesn't seem much in anyway of compromise there and doesn't seem much in being social either.

Go to your sisters birthday by yourself. It sounds like you would both have a better night that way anyway.

You don't mention how he is if you go off and do things by yourself without him? If he tries to stop you doing things or his mood changes then thats a form of controlling behaviour which is not ok.

He does sound very selfish - I don't understand why you have 2 more dogs if you don't like them.

My DH is not massively sociable. I go to things with my friends and family by myself a lot of the time, and have a better time as I don't have to worry about whether he's wanting to leave!

It sounds like he's not stopping you, but that you don't want to go by yourself? That's fair enough - it's nice to have a partner to go along to things with, but is it a dealbreaker for your marriage?

You should be able to go to your sisters party. He can stay at home with the dogs. Win win for both of you.

I get this isn't the solution to everything tho which makes it awkward.

My OH struggled with socialising, but was perfectly happy for me to go out and about. He would tolerate visits, but I made sure there were not too many.

As to the dogs - no way would I live in a house with dogs. If you do not like them then you should be able to have your say.

I can relate to this issue because I’m typically not very sociable and very introverted. You need to accept this is how he is. I understand that you’d prefer him to want to go out with you but there’s no reason why this should stop you having a social life? So carry on with that.

I also don’t understand why you have 3 dogs when you don’t like dogs. I can understand compromising and agreeing to have 1 dog. Why did this happen? Answer this question and you might get to the root of the issues.

Why did you agree to another 2 dogs when you don't like them?

Why do you need his permission to have a social life?

You can socialise on your own

Can you go out without him, if he makes you feel bad about it he is controlling you. Are you moving further away from family and friends.