Have realised recently my friends have been ebbing away and feel unlikeable / not worth hanging on to

[RecentRealisations]

Despite all my best efforts, since my husband and I have been working together from home, my newish friendships in the village we moved to have sort of disappeared.

There are two or three friendships that I miss and that I thought might last the test of time but it wasn't to be.

Part of me doesn't care too much because I know friendship has to be a two way street and there is only so long i can try but the other part is a bit gutted that the friends didn't like me enough to keep the meet ups going, etc.

All I can put it down to is that I was going through a difficult time wirh my husband and his family and I know I did overshare so I get it, lesson learned about that but I was always generous, hosted, bought nice gifts for birthdays, didn't let people down.

Covid didnt help, of course.

am quite happy these days pottering around at home, working and gardening, hanging out with the husband and my teenage kids but every now and then I remember that feeling of having a girls night out to look forward to, etc! Maybe I'll have time again one of these days to Socialise again.

Has anyone else felt like this lately?

X

Not sure what is happening re the spacing!!

Its a shame the friendships have fizzled. Have you considered taking up a hobby or doing some volunteer work to help you meet new people?

SheldonsShoulder yes it is a shame. We are really busy working from home and my husband works long hours so we are often busy doing stuff into the evenings. So not much free time I suppose but maybe I should investigate some volunteer work. Good suggestion.

I think there’s an issue with spacing on some android phones op.

it’s a shame the friendships have fizzled but I’d echo what a pp said and see if you can volunteer or go to a social group

good Luck

Thanks west.

Sometimes I feel happier just being a homebody and at other times it hits me.. I don't have any friends here!! Strange.

Volunteering could be the answer.

Yes my friendships got bit strange last few years op. I dont chase people now. Wouldnt commit. I agree a hobby or volunteering both good.

I took from your OP that you feel like you WFH is part of the problem? Is that the case - i.e. the friendships fizzled when you started WFH?

I think a lot of us found this over the last three years. Certainly one friend of nearly three decades standing hasn't replied to emails, and another friend texted at the start of Covid, I answered and that was it. It's like a winnowing. I think things will improve again though.

I have let a few friendships drift with friends who have gone fully WFH, because they just don't seem to be available somehow - I can't exactly say how! But they seem to have gone into hibernation and not be out doing stuff that leads to other stuff...I would have to dig them out and get them started and it's easier to see the people who are out wanting to meet for lunch or a drink after work, which leads to other plans...

Ignore me if this isn't you, but are you not doing stuff that naturally brings you together with people and stops things feeling stagnant?

@TheYearOfSmallThings has said what I guess I was trying to establish. I think when you wfh you can get a bit “out of sight, out of mind”, vs. people you see out and about. I’m not working at the moment and I do have to make a big effort not to let myself get too insular because home can become a bit of a physical “algorithm” where you’re sort of comfortable and nothings irritating you but also you’re not getting those unpredictable external feeds that keep life interesting.

Yes I agree, out of sight and out of mind now wfh.

There is a danger of becoming insular wfh.... on one hand I'm enjoying being a homebody... on the other I've definitely been forgotten about! I wonder whether I will have friends again when I've retired!! And have available time for them then....

Friendships have been through a cabinet reshuffle for everyone since covid, for sure. Like I say, sometimes I do prefer my life as it and not having crashing disappointments and other times I will admit I do wonder where my tribe is! Probably on MN!

Yes OP. I think it's an age thing as well as everything else. People are busy and also people just seem to be more insular these days post covid. As a LP I can't get out to nurture the few friendships I do have, and they are all living far away from me. Sadly the ones I tried to make locally are not really working out as viable. I am refocussing on my DD, my family, my creative work and trying not to let it get me down.

Yes i think you are doing the right thing I think it's partly a life stage as well. Maybe the life stage to put energy into work and kids!! I have done a lot of socialising in the past and I'm sure I will again in the future. Just one of those things that I will feel a bit lonely sometimes while wfh.

I feel a bit like this. One of my localish friends only wanted to do the exact same things that we did before the pandemic, and couldn't be flexible at all when I suggested meeting in a cafe or park half way between our houses, or having coffee outside or in my garden. She only wanted to meet me inside her house or in one particular shop that was out of town. It all felt too much like hard work in the end.

Yes only so much you can do. I text a few dates if they flaky thats it am not chasing them!!