Should I Tell My Friend About This?

[VicCros86]

First of all, name change as I have other friends who read these boards religiously and may make links to this.

So, I work in IT and a good friend of mine of 26 years asked me to look at her husband's laptop while he's "away on business" as it's been developing issues. As far as I know he's aware of this, but I'm not certain. She dropped it off to me the other night and as I ended up with an unexpected day off, I've been working on it but as part of sorting the issues have discovered he's a member of a dating/hook-up website called "ABF Heaven". I'd never heard of it but this site is to find people who share the kink/fetish of "adult breastfeeding" and from the messages he's been exchanging it appears he's been meeting women all over the country to indulge this fetish. It also looks like that is where he actually is away now, staying a whole week with a woman he's never met before, 200 miles away "to suckle night and day". He must also log in to his account on this site on his phone as there's been activity while I've had his laptop and it's his most visited page after Google, which is how I found it so easy when dealing with the problems.

I've never liked him personally though on top show we get along fine. They have 4 children, the youngest of which is 3 months old (and ironically being breastfed) and the oldest of which is only 9, so it will be catastrophic for her to discover this. I really don't want to tell her but I feel like I should. To me this is not only cheating but if he's being breastfed by lactating women, I'm sure there's an STD risk too. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he's having sex with these women too, if not already.

In the meantime, I've taken and saved screenshots of everything he's been doing so she can have it as evidence in any (very likely) future proceedings. I had to back up all his data as part of the repairs so I know this could be helpful for her too.

As a good friend I feel I have to tell her what I know and as gently as possible. I'm not married but I'd want to know in her position. I'd like to know if this was you, would you want to be told too? I'm considering returning his laptop and advising him that I know what he's up to and say giving him 7 days to tell her and come clean or I will have to do it for him.

What does everyone else think? I've felt sick about this all day. Thanks in advance for your responses.

From what I have seen he at least claims she won't indulge him and she knows nothing. His profile on the site says "I'm in a sexless marriage" and "you must be able to host and be discreet". I know that they've not yet had sex since the birth of the youngest even but that was only months ago. Having known her as long as I have, I'd be very surprised if she did go along with this and she certainly wouldn't give him permission to seek anything like this elsewhere.

Obviously my hope is she does know and the worst that will happen is she and I can agree that I'll forget I knew anything about it to start with. It's a very big hope though.

I'm going to see her tomorrow, returning the now fixed laptop and will tell her what I know and offer my full support. I will also volunteer to have the 3 older children stay with me for a few nights so she can just worry about the baby.

For the record I've no disgust with a man wanting to be breastfed. It's not my cup of tea but what happens between consenting adults is their own business as far as I'm concerned. It's the deceit and what I consider to be cheating and the risk of STD's that troubles me.

Good luck! I think you’re definitely doing the right thing by telling her now.
Best wishes

You’re a good friend OP. Hope today goes well.

Thank you to all for your thoughts, opinions, good wishes and advice. All much appreciated!

I visited earlier and told her, essentially just by showing her what I had found. She read it all (far more than I did) ,was bereft and had no idea. She told me he has wanted to breastfeed from her after each baby but she was repulsed by the idea and has always refused him. She thought it was a specific desire towards her and didn't think he'd seek it elsewhere though. She did thank me for telling her, though I don't feel she had much to thank me for all things considered. She doesn't feel she can forgive him.

I'm picking her 3 boys up from school tomorrow and keeping them with me until her parents get home. I live on the beach so they think of that like a holiday for the weekend.

Thanks again to all for your input, I'm very grateful.

Well done OP. That can't have felt good, but I think you did the right thing.

Initially tell him that you know and that he needs to tell her.

Give him a deadline and say that if he doesn't tell her then you will.

Apologies, I've just realised you've told her!

Oh well done. That must’ve felt horrible, you did the right thing.