Is this what they mean by midlife crisis?

[NoraLuka]

Not even sure why I'm posting - I guess I need someone to tell me to grow the fuck up 🙄

I met a friend of a friend a couple of months ago, and now to my shame have a full on teenage crush on the guy (and this gets worse whenever I speak to him, although not seen him for a couple of weeks) even though I've been with DP for nearly a decade and nothing will happen with anyone else. I have never cheated on anyone and I'm not going to start now at the age of 40.

DP is a lovely guy but I think I was in the process of getting the ick before meeting other guy, for all sorts of reasons. I guess I could sum it up by saying that I feel like my life consists of work (I am self-employed, work expands to take up any available time) and then dealing with teenagers, with the shopping, cleaning, cooking etc just to fill up the evenings. DP works too and we split the bills but I've gradually been paying for more stuff, although he always has enough money to go out drinking with his mates. The DC aren't his so I never feel I can say anything about him not cooking etc. ExH is a whole other kettle of fish, he went to a parent's evening for the very first time last week and DD2 is 15. He hasn't really seen DD1 since July.

I do get time to myself but it never feels anything like enough, I just want a glitch in the matrix that would make it okay to run off with handsome, fun new guy for a break, without hurting anyone in the process (other guy isn't aware of these plans BTW, and would probably be horrified if he was 😁)

40's an ideal age to rethink your life. I did around then😁You just kinda realise "is this it, is this what I want the rest of my life to look like?" and the answer, for me at least, was nope.

Your partner doesn't sound that lovely, he sounds likes he's taking the piss rather.

This is exactly how I felt before I actually entered into a full blown affair and turned my and my family lives upside down.
Good luck OP, I am sure there will be lots of support offered here. We only live once so I believe we need to live our lives to the fullest but I would caution you to be careful about those feelings for the other guy. They are telling you something, work out what it is and what you need to be happy 😊

Your gut is telling you to change something, so change something! Maybe not the nuclear option though 😁

End your marriage with some dignity and compassion for all concerned, then take it from there. It almost certainly won't be with this guy you're embarrassing yourself over, but you'll be in a position to see if the grass is greener.

Good luck.

OP..... What do you really know about crush guy?

Is it possible you are projecting a fantasy on him?

Would you like to be single.... Rather than with current partner?

I m happily single, I can tell you from experience crush guys are often unattainable (have someone on the go/workaholic/looking for unbaggaged wifey material) or a knob, or no better than current partner 😆😆😆. Sorry to be blunt.

The crush is most likely a daft mid life crisis.

Better to decide if you ld rather be single than with the current guy. The crush is a fantasy/delusion.

Thanks for your messages everyone.

I think I need to take a good long look at everything. I haven’t cheated and don’t intend to but isn’t there a saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions? I’m not sure what I’d do if the opportunity presented itself tbh. I don’t think anyone who knows me would ever guess that, I’m def not going around flirting with other guy or anything.

DP went to a strip club with friends last year - I know some people would be ok with this but I just think bleurgh. I have told him I think it’s gross and he was « yeah but we didn’t really do anything, it was too expensive » as though I’m supposed to be relieved or something. I think I was already a bit sick of him before that, but it hasn’t helped.

It’s been helpful to write all this down. I do actually feel like a teenager, all mood swings and confusion !

@IwasToldThereWouldBeCake I’m def not seriously thinking about anything happening with crush guy, we live in a small rural community (not in the UK) and the gossip would be unreal! I agree, the decision is single vs current DP.

Sounds like DP needs the boot.