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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Hate my sisters in law!

6 replies

Pippa0321 · 08/02/2023 00:51

Please help! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and I never liked his sisters. They are just not the kind of women I’d be friends with and they have never been nice to me or made me feel welcomed.

A few times they have actually been rude to me and my boyfriend put some distance between them for a while because of this. They apologised and we carried on but I try to avoid seeing them as much as possible.

We are now engaged and I’m making a real effort to forget and forgive and try and like them but it’s just impossible. I rarely see them but when I do they spend the whole time talking about money, trying to show off and I can just see/feel they dislike me too!

Have you had a similar situation? If so, any tips?

OP posts:

knobheadinlaws · 08/02/2023 00:58

They're his sisters. Let him see them on his own

SueblueNZ · 08/02/2023 01:28

I think it's great that you are still willing to make an effort with them. Can you just nod and keep your head down, maintaining a neutral position.
May I say ... my heart did a wee joyous leap when I say your reference to 'sisterS-in-law'. I grit my teeth every time I see 'mother-in-lawS', 'sister-in-lawS' etc. 😄

SueblueNZ · 08/02/2023 01:29

Wasn't there an edit function on here once-upon-a-time?

... when I SAW your ...

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 01:33

You don’t have to love them but you should try to get on with them. You don’t see them that often and you haven’t really given much information about what they have done. They are clearly not your kind of people but surely unless they are evil incarnate you can smile sweetly and ignore them if necessary?

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/02/2023 01:38

Marry into a family you don't like, repent at leisure. Think very carefully about it.

3487642l · 08/02/2023 02:16

Hi @Pippa0321 , not everyone is fortunate enough to have this clarity before they are married. It's great you are realistic and can see how they are.

It sounds like they need to grow the hell up! But understand that people don't change.

You've made an effort with them and you can see they aren't going to change, and how you feel isn't going to change.

You need to be completely transparent with your fiance and work out under what conditions you will spend time with you sisters-in-law - once a month? All family birthdays? At Christmas time only? What about when you have children? It is really okay for your fiance to maintain relationships with his family and for you to leave him to it. Think ahead though to when you have children. Will you be okay to let him take the children to see his sisters without you, or will you tolerate them for family birthdays/celebrations? Are you happy for them to babysit your future children? Think through future scenarios and then act as you mean to go on. You and your fiance deserve a chance to see if both of you can accept the situation as it truly is. You actually want to find out if this situation causes conflict between you and your fiance. If it does that is great information and you can work out if you can resolve it. But by 'faking' that you can tolerate your sisters-in-law you run the risk of a whole lot of conflict with your husband in the future and it will be harder to resolve then.

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