Celebrating an anniversary after giving things another go

[Confused8888]

Hi all

My bf (35) and myself (34) met in Feb 2020. Past October we broke up but got back together Jan 1st. Today is our 2 year anniversary. I didn't bring it up as I wanted to see if he would remember. So when I messaged him tonight after no acknowledgement as we live apart advising him what today was he said technically lol. For context our first date was the superbowl which is this Sunday and he said I count that as our thing but last year we had dinner and gifts and I was made too feel special alongside watching the superbowl a different night. I feel a bit upset that he didn't even acknowledge the date today and he isn't bothered by it. Should I be too bothered given we have only been back together just over a month and had a break so technically isn't 2 years.

I’m not sure, I think if super bowl was clearly your thing, I’d be hurt if he didn’t continue last year’s tradition of making your feel special with a nice dinner or whatever. But maybe he’s just differently minded and now sees New Year’s Day as your special day?

If you got together in 2020 I make that 3 years

It seems you are in a different page regarding the marking of the anniversary. It's how you communicate about it that matters. Is your upset really about the anniversary or is there other stuff bothering you too? Are you delighted and excited to be back together, or is it more tentative with some trepidation. Was one party more hurt than the other in the break, and are either or both of you still carrying resentment from that?
Sorry for all the questions, not expecting answers- just some things to think about as you seem confused by your respective positions and querying whether your upset is appropriate.

Are you after marriage and kids?! After three years you don't live together and you're already 34? Make sure you're not wasting your time here.

Well, it's 2023 now, so isn't that 3 years ?
But I am also a bit confused as to how couple who aren't married choose one particular date to mark as an anniversary...... is it when you first bumped in to each other, or went on a date, or started chatting, or decided you wanted to start a relationship, or swapped phone numbers, or became exclusive, or told your friends, or any one of several other options ?

Perhaps he didn't realise it was 'a thing' either ?

I don't think anyone can assume that another person puts a lot of importance on to any particular date. If it is important to you , then you need to tell him that.

Me and my partner always celebrate our anniversary and make plans in advance. It's a big day!

So, yes, I'd be upset if a partner wasn't bothered about it. What can you do about it now though...?

I've never understood why boyfriends and girlfriends celebrate anniversaries, it seems a bit juvenile to me and like a non anniversary.

You sat around all day and brought I up in the evening. It's like he's failed a test he didn't know he was taking.

We've been together for 22 years and married for 13. Prior to marriage, we never celebrated our 'getting together' activity. One of us might realise partway through the day and say something to the other. We don't celebrate either that or our wedding anniversary. Neither of us are bothered. Just a 'happy anniversary' in passing.

Your question is,'Should I be bothered?'. I'd say no, it's not a big deal.

BUT it's subjective. Depending on why you broke up and who initiated that and the getting back together, I wonder if you need the validation that he wants to be with you?

Never mind the anniversary thing, how is the relationship in general?

I agree with the poster who said that you set him up with a test he didn't know he was taking. Don't play games like that. Communicate openly. Games just serve to make everyone miserable. As I said above, we don't celebrate it. Because we're on the same page about it, and no one gets hurt.

I think it’s perfectly normal to celebrate an anniversary even if not married. I guess most people go from first date. My 18yr old son and his first GF put great importance on marking every month! So sweet. My BF and I don’t do the same, we are only a couple of weeks behind my son and his GF, but he doesn’t know yet I’m seeing someone as been less than 3 months. In my head I count the weeks from date no 1, but we didn’t have a snog until date no 2 which was 2wks later. But we did have a non colleague peck on date 1 and it was obvious we were going to be meeting up again, so I count date 1 as the date we started seeing each other. But I never say to him, it’s been 2 months etc.

I don’t know if men always put as much importance on dates like this. It wouldn’t upset me I don’t think, though I think it’s nice to recognise the years, not the months though! So I’ve got another 9 months to go, and a week! Lol

I agree with the poster who said that you set him up with a test he didn't know he was taking. Don't play games like that. Communicate openly. Games just serve to make everyone miserable. As I said above, we don't celebrate it. Because we're on the same page about it, and no one gets hurt.

This. All of this.