Why do some wives desperately cling on to cheating husbands?

[dontlookdown788322]

Speaking from experience, unfortunately. My husband an affair lasting a year. I was the very last person to know it seems. Claimed it was only emotional but don’t they all. Still in the process of divorcing his slimy arse.

The notion of staying together honestly never entered my mind. To lie to my face, betray me so cruelly, to talk about me to the ow and humiliate publicly meant he had zero regard or respect for me.

How to people convince themselves otherwise when their partners cheat time and time again?

I can only speak from my experience but it was fear. How am I going to manage alone, where will I live, how will I manage on my salary? (this was pre-internet so not much advice out there). Plus the sense of failure after less than five years of marriage.

Two years later and the last time he left I sat on the stairs and cried with relief. I didn't care what was coming, I was just glad he'd gone.

I think a lot of people marry - and stay married - for reasons other than love. Convenience, appearances, security, wealth.

I couldn't do it myself - way too proud and hotheaded - but I'm not judging those who do. I know very many people living very content and stable lives while turning a blind eye to the worst of their spouse's behaviour.

Oh but OP... you could ask about worse. Why do women (maybe people? doubt that) cling on when the OH treats them abominably .. In some cases abuse...

In my case, to my grinding humiliation - why do I cling on when he's thrown me out several times. When he's told me he stopped caring about me. When he doesn't give a fuck when I cry .. When he punishes me with the silent treatment for weeks on end.
When he treats me worse than anyone else in his life, no matter how peripheral.

For me, things worse than cheating.
And yet I cling.

(Have NC obviously.)

I think financial issues come up a lot. Also low self confidence.

I did it … for reasons Strawhat.. stated above and children. Where I’m from, it’s almost inconceivable to divorce, especially where there’s no case of DV.

Gosh, these responses are heartbreaking. I’m sorry you’ve had these experiences too. Life is so very short to be treated with contempt and hurt and humiliated over and over again.

Marriage means different things to different people.

Sexual fidelity is part of marriage. There are other parts.

To be in any relationship is to compromise.

Overall they don't think that by leaving they will be happier. And they are perhaps aware of their own shortcomings and so it isn't black and white.

For me it’s context. After I had DD I treated DH really badly. Pretty much refused sex for years. I’ve a feeling DH may have had a liaison with a work mate. I don’t blame him tbh.
However, I see marriage as primarily a business agreement. I wouldn’t want to break up because we have young kids.

Also low self confidence.

That was me. He had a senior job, was popular, had had girlfriends before who were prettier than me; and I hadn't had many boyfriends before him. Of COURSE it was all my fault he couldn't keep his genitals to himself. It took a long time to get over that sense of 'if I'd been better at X, Y or Z.'

By the way I work with men and almost all of them cheat and lots of women do too. Very common.

There are so many threads on this site where women lack self-esteem and a true sense of self-worth. They make me want to weep. Mothers of daughters ........ this is where we come in. Our job is to make sure that they leave our protection with the shield of self confidence to take them through life. And Dads have a real role to play here in making daughters feel proud of themselves.

I think for some it takes a while for the fear, shame and denial to wear off.
Been over a year for me and only just facing up to the reality that my marriage was a lie.

Judging by the behaviour of one of my friends, I would say the amount of effort involved in splitting up a home and potentially finding a new bloke puts a lot of people off. It's short-sighted though: if they cheat once, they'll do it many times and eventually leave.

I think some people just can’t be arsed with the aggro of divorce and doing everything alone. I don’t necessarily agree with this course of action. But who can blame them? Divorce is horrid and the upheaval is immense. I think some people don’t have the energy in them to upset the status quo.

Money.

Yes. Some couples see themselves as partnerships. The greatest example of this was Hilary and Bill. Very different values but they had each others backs and stayed together.