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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I tell him?? Or leave it?

50 replies

maybabymama · 07/02/2023 16:32

Okay it's a bit of a messy one but I'll go straight to the point.
There's a guy I have a crush on and when I met him (2yrs ago) we were both in relationships so nothing happened. Then recently he broke up and I broke soon after.
My uncle is our mutual "friend" and I asked him how he's doing and mentioned that I thought he's a really good guy.
My uncle told me that when he told him that I've broken up he said something along the lines of "I would absolutely date her and give her whatever she wants" but my uncle said to him to "leave it" as I'm his niece and he is his good friend and it will be weird.
Now my uncle said that before he told him that I've broken up he met this girl on Badoo for sex and fun but that he's been spending some weekend over at hers etc.
I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. Like I want to reach out to him directly but at the same time he's in some sort of relationship right? Am I being desperate?

OP posts:

FenghuangHoyan · 11/02/2023 06:32

maybabymama · 09/02/2023 15:32

@FenghuangHoyan I wanted to get his new number but isn't it a bit too much? My uncle said he will mention to him that I tried reaching out if he sees that there's nothing serious with the girl.

Why is your uncle making the decision as to if it's serious with the new girl. He should just pass on the information and leave the decision making to the guy.

I'd avoid your uncle if at all possible and cover him directly. You might make a full of yourself, but it's better than all the "what if" stuff you must be feeling now.

However, step back a bit and think about this potential relationship and ask yourself how much is been built up on your mind and if the reality could ever match up. Just something to think about. Me, I'd go for it. But then I've done lots of dumb stuff.😀

Original poster

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 07:59

@FenghuangHoyan thanks for this!! I'm the same though.. been so tempted to contact him but at this point I don't even know if I made it more perfect in my head than it actually would be 😆 I just don't know how to get his number as I think asking my uncle is not an option anymore 🥲😂

OP posts:

Original poster

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 08:02

I kind of feel better that you don't think I'm some absolutely obsessive weirdo.. but I guess I'll start getting comments like that after this message 😂😂

OP posts:

Blossomandbee · 11/02/2023 08:07

How and where have you seen him over the last 2 years of knowing him? Could you go and bump into him somewhere?

FenghuangHoyan · 11/02/2023 08:07

I think it's because I was where you were once many years ago (unknowingly). However, don't overly fret, if this doesn't work out (as mine didn't) then you'll find something else that will (as I have).

And who cares if you get negative comments. They're are unpleasant people out there and most of them have access to the internet. This is about you and not them. That's another advantage of getting older, you give less tosses.

I hope things work out for you and that you lead a happy life. Take care wherever you are and wherever you go.

ACynicalDad · 11/02/2023 08:11

I think you’d regret not reaching out more than reaching out. I’d reference somehow this date has been on so he realises you know and he needs to choose, not try to have two!

Original poster

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 08:12

@Blossomandbee I saw him couple of times but that was when my uncle was with him. So I have very slim changes to bumping into him randomly:(

@FenghuangHoyan at this point I just want to contact him and hear it from him if that makes sense. As you said it might not work out or he might tell me he's serious with the girl. But it would come from him and I could just fully move on from overthinking this situation 😅

OP posts:

pilates · 11/02/2023 08:28

Can you accidentally on purpose bump into him? Do you know a place where he will be? You need to cross him off the list and move on.

Zanatdy · 11/02/2023 08:30

get his new number. He might not be serious with this new girl. Sometimes we have to take a chance in life, this is it! Do it

Original poster

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 08:37

@pilates I really do need to move on from this

@Zanatdy I'll try my best to get the number but oh man this is TOO MUCH EFFORT he better be worth it hahah

OP posts:

pilates · 11/02/2023 09:19

I meant to say I think you do need to make the effort to find out before crossing him off the list.

Zanatdy · 11/02/2023 09:23

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 08:37

@pilates I really do need to move on from this

@Zanatdy I'll try my best to get the number but oh man this is TOO MUCH EFFORT he better be worth it hahah

I waited 3yrs for the guy I fancied in the office - we got on so well, he was divorced, I was separated and in Feb 2020 he mentioned going to the theatre. Then bloody covid came, and he changed jobs before we came back. I lost all hope then I saw him in the office in November and he messaged me a few hours later asking if I fancied a drink!! Been nearly 3 months now and it’s going great - can’t believe it took so long for us to get together but it’s been worth the wait!

Original poster

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 09:39

@pilates thanks for adding this to you message!

@Zanatdy my heart is so happy and excited for you! I hope it all goes well and ever better than you've ever imagined!

OP posts:

Original poster

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 09:50

I think why I can't stop thinking about the situation is that I fancied him and never thought he thought anything of me and then his comment to my uncle really threw me off 👀

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 11/02/2023 12:11

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 09:50

I think why I can't stop thinking about the situation is that I fancied him and never thought he thought anything of me and then his comment to my uncle really threw me off 👀

Omg is this still going on…

Original poster

maybabymama · 11/02/2023 17:07

@Eyerollcentral yeah can you believe it

OP posts:

Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/02/2023 18:24

Just reach out
‘hey saw Uncle the other day and he mentioned you . How are you ?

and then take it from there

OnlyOpenMouthToChangeFeet · 11/02/2023 21:26

May be a long shot, but if you say he met a girl on Badoo, why don't you try joining and see if you can find him on there?

Original poster

maybabymama · 15/02/2023 20:38

Bumped into him this evening and we had a lovely chat. Swapped numbers so looking forward to see how things will work out :)

OP posts:

Swimawayyy · 16/02/2023 16:15

Yay yay yay 🙌

Swimawayyy · 16/02/2023 16:15

At least now you’ve got his actual number, and don’t have to go through your uncle.
Good luck!

Original poster

maybabymama · 24/02/2023 07:54

Honestly it's been one of the craziest time of my life but I thought I'll update you we're officially together!! Everything is happening so fast but it feels so right which is absolutely crazy

OP posts:

FishandChipsarelife · 24/02/2023 08:13

Yey! Glad it is working out for you guys :)

And dont tell your uncle anything about anything going forward!

Hongkongsuey · 24/02/2023 08:15

That’s so nice! Am pleased for you!

Swimawayyy · 24/02/2023 11:20

Me too, very pleased for you and lovely to see when being brave pays off!

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