Hi all
I would like some outside perspective on this. I'm happy to be told I am being needy if I genuinely am, but I don't know
I had a fwb for a year or so, I told him I was going to date other people as I wanted a long term relationship. During this year, he was hot and cold with me, sometimes acting like he wanted more and then backtracking pretty quickly as soon as I showed any interest in turning it into a real relationship. It got into a ridiculous cycle and I was fed up.
I went on a few dates with different men, finally one seemed to feel like a good fit and was very much on the brink of turning into a relationship
I think fwb sensed my lack of interest and that I was moving on and then decided to ask if we could have an actual relationship. He said he didn't want to lose me, had feelings for me, just too scared to commit before
I decided to break it off with the new man I was dating and give it a go with fwb. It's only been about 2 months and I'm exhausted with it. I went into the relationship telling him that I wanted something serious and long term and that I wasn't willing for the half arsed casual fwb situation to continue, just being called someone's girlfriend isnt good enough for me and that I expected him to keep to his word if he wanted an actual relationship
He sees me only on the weekends, sometimes he'll go out with his friends instead, I never get 'allocated' another day, we just skip a week of seeing each other. I wouldn't mind if I saw him on a Friday and then he went out with friends on a Saturday, but this seems to not be an option, for no apparent reason. He does say I'm welcome to join them, but at one point I saw him with his friends every week for a month and we never saw each other separately. I like his friends but I don't want to see them all the time and I'm happy to keep friendships fairly separate from relationships. I think it's important to get on with them, but not completely intertwine friendship groups to the point you go everywhere as a couple
He's not the most affectionate person, which I struggle with as I do like a cuddle or sex fairly regularly. I'm not clinging onto him for dear life and I don't like alot of PDA. We have arranged for him to stay at mine after going out for a few hours at the weekend then he's dropped it on me that he's going to go home instead and doesn't want to stay over. I wouldn't be as bothered if I knew he had to be up early the next day or told me in advance, but I do feel put out when we don't see each other that frequently.
He says I'm needy and come across controlling when I feel put out that I won't see him for a few weeks if he's got plans with his friends. I don't shout at him about it, but I do feel like he doesn't make space for this relationship and I don't feel like we've moved past fwb stage except for the fact he's told his friends and family that I'm his girlfriend now. He also thinks I'm not committed as only my friends know about us, I just don't feel like broadcasting it to my family while it doesn't feel like a real relationship
Sorry I didn't mean for it to be so long. Basically I need to know if I am acting needy and controlling and need to sort myself out or leave