The Ducks In A Row thread... if you're leaving soon, let's plan together

[MrsPicklesonSmythe]

The tenancy on our house is up in July and for many, many reasons I cannot move into another house with him. I have to grow some lady balls and go it alone.

Money will be so tight and he's not going to take it well. The kids will be so sad but it has to end.

If anyone else is in the process of planning their exit, I could really do with some planning support buddies.

Anyone out there?

I left two years ago and it was hard, but you do manage.

Do you work? Are you looking for somewhere else to live or would you like to renew the tenancy in your own name?

Have you looked at any benefits you might be entitled to?

I work part time at the moment but I've made it known I want more hours and they seem to be readily available. I think once I can up them enough I might have a chance of getting my contract changed.

We definitely need to move as landlord is selling up. I'd need a 3 bed but rents are so high at the moment, I'm waiting for a call back about shared ownership as I'm wondering if that could be a more affordable option.

Sadly, I'm not entitled to uc or other help.

I'm in @MrsPicklesonSmythe although mine is more of a long term aim... my income (and confidence) took such a hit from being a SAHM, I really need to work on both before I can move out.

The DTs are 7 now and DP's temper is getting worse, he lost his shit with us all this evening out of the blue - I'm still shaking. He will throw things around, break things, bin the DC's toys etc if anyone dares to 'defy' him. I'm so sad, I never ever thought he'd be like this, but he's been like a stroppy toddler for years now.

I've realised recently that my lack of confidence is in a large part due to him, he often tells me how rubbish I am/ would be at things! And there are so many things I daren't do as I don't want to provoke his wrath/ sulkiness - I just hate living like this

for you all. Yesterday I realised its been a whole year since I opened a new bank account in readiness for leaving. Still here, still trying to find a way out. I'm determined to find one though.

The bank account sounds like a good start @Pixiedust1234 ! Do you have a plan about where to go/ what to do next? Rent is really expensive round here unless I could get council/ social housing, and I wouldn't be a priority unless I was homeless... sigh. Although in 10 years or so the DC will be 18 and I'll be over 55 and technically eligible for a retirement property...

Just updating to keep my thoughts and for a timeline if I need it later on.

In the week we went for a coffee on our own and as I've been quiet he pushed me on,what was wrong. He's been 'being nice' for the last week or so and it's making me on edge as it feel weird and fake.

I told him I felt really sad about how things were and that we don't make each other happy. Things feel insurmountable and I'm concerned that we have a decent friendship and we're going to ruin it by continuing and end up hating each other. I told him we'd be better of apart.

He completely dismissed what I said, didn't take it seriously at all. I felt bulldozed and lost my voice as usual. He seems to think im a bit of a depressive nutcase. I've never felt clearer. He's not hearing me.

I read 'Too good to leave too bad to stay' even though I don't think its too good to leave and came to the conclusion that no, I'm not mad, I need to leave. Noone who knew how things are would tell me to stay.

I made an appointment with a couples counsellor with a view to having a safe space to say what really mean and make it clear I'm leaving and want to do it on the best terms possible. I told him that I'd booked it (but obvs not what im planning on saying). He says he's not doing to do it. Think maybe I should go alone to get my speech ready.

I'll join! I'm not sure what to do, holding out a few more months would leave me more likely to keep the house, but I'm so torn! I still want the old relationship back where we had a laugh and actually enjoyed each others company. I just don't think it's possible now