Husband spent £100 on Adultwork and has a subscription to only fans

[BarnsleyChop]

I was borrowing DH phone to look for a parcel code for something we’ve sold on eBay and checked his spam folder for the email I couldn’t find. In it, I found a transaction receipt for £100 in his spam or trash folder and a subscription to onlyfans. I’m not sure if the £100 was webcam or seeing an escort. I feel numb.

We have a lot of issues and don’t have the best marriage. No sex for 3 years since our child was born and Barry any before then, he doesn’t initiate. Was recently our anniversary I put on sexy underwear that he saw me out on before we went out for a meal, no response then he overate so no chance of sex that night either. In the past he’s said he feels too pressured by me and doesn’t want to go to bed at the same time as me. I’m now not even sure I’m actually attracted to him,.

Last night he woke me up by mistake wanking next to him. I feel like we are totally at the end of the marriage but I feel so scared in telling him. I work part time earning 20k for childcare reasons and he works full time earning 90k. We have a mortgage for £250,000 on a £300,000 house.

I need some moral support on how to tackle this. I think I want a divorce.

I'm bumping for you op, sounds awful this would be the end for me.

And me too.

Sorry OP but the purchase (whatever it is) isn't the main issue. It really does sound like the marriage is over and you're just housemates. Sorry OP

A sexless marriage is just a friendship, I wouldn’t have gone 3 months let alone 3 years so don’t blame him for the subscription(he’s not cheating). Definitely sounds over

Are you sure it was a legitimate receipt/subscription if it was in his spam folder? I just looked in mine and there's all sorts in there including Viagra and escorts. Some of them can look quite convincing, might be worth double checking? Or I might be clutching at straws.
Sorry to say OP but it sounds like the tip of the iceberg for you whether it's real or spam.

So the lack of sex isn’t for want of me not trying bar the immediate postnatal period when I had PND and didn’t want sex for 3/4 months. Only so many times you can try and initiate before it’s soul destroying. Last time I tried to initiate was our anniversary he saw me get dressed in sexy lingerie and then decided to stuff himself at the restaurant and then said he was staying up to watch tv as he had stomach ache.

re:the adult work receipt it looks legit. It gives part of the card numbers on the receipt and it does look like a Monzo Mastercard which is who he banks with.

To me it's worse than cheating. I would much prefer DH to have an affair than go down into the world of porn/only fans. It's so rife with trafficked women and abused women (not all I know but enough) that it would mean he was morally so far removed from the decent man I love that I would leave him.

Sorry are you actually defending the husband for subscribing to a sex site because he shouldn't have had to go without sex for 3 months? Am I reading that correctly? Also I don't think it's your place to decide whether it's cheating or not. If you're doing something you don't want your partner to know about, it's a betrayal.

Sorry your dealing with this 💗

I would try and get things sorted from your end before you raise the issue of divorce with him.

Make sure you have copies/originals of all important documents and have access to all joint moneys (as far as possible) and copies of banks statements so he can't move money.

Misty Grey A true story not a love story
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Buy those and put them in the bedroom.