Relationship

[Bluepanda7]

Hi, this is gonna be a long one but I just need to vent and get a lot of things off my chest. My partner does not like talking and communicating. If I try and talk about things he either clams up or gets defensive and storms off.

We have a little boy together and he has 3 girls from a previous relationship who come over every weekend and soon to be Wednesday nights. My partner doesn't do anything for our little boy, unless I ask him to and then he just says I'm nagging. He never discusses anything with me(the fact that the girls are now staying over on Wednesday nights) he and his ex just decide between them and that's it. I do alot for the girls, I love them to bits and I even have them on my own- when my partner is at work or one of the girls are ill and his ex has to work.
My partner does not consider my feelings at all, it's not that I have a problem with the girls being here, I don't like I said I love them. It's just the fact that nothing gets discussed with me, he just does whatever. I feel like me and our little boy aren't important.

I try talking to him about it and sharing my feelings, but like I say he doesn't like to talk. I have no one to talk to hence my putting it on here. I just don't know what to do. I want him to see things from my side but he just doesn't listen. I'm getting so fed up.

Has he always been like this? If so, why have a kid with him?
I find people like that are often 'un-fixable' - I've worked with many of them, and dated a couple of them too (I'm a straight man).

I've never once got someone completely clammed up to open up and talk to me - usually they're just left to their own devices (if in work) or dumped (if a partner) as relationships need effective communication.

I would seriously consider leaving if you still have no joy communicating.

No, he hasn't always been like this. In the beginning we were able to talk and discuss things. I didn't even have to ask him to do things either, he just did them. I don't know what's wrong. I feel like it's me and our little boy and then him, the girls and his ex.

I think you need to recognise that this is how your life is, together. This is how he wants to treat you. If he wanted to treat you differently, he would be. It's not about you getting him to understand anything.

Decide if you want to be treated like this, and if not, leave him. A partner who's compatible with you will instinctively, naturally be nice for you to be around. You don't have to talk them into it, or explain that, due to being human, you like to be listened to and respected.

You're right. I think leaving is what I have to do. Thank you for your reply.

Sounds like he sees you as a maid and babysitter. I'm guessing his ex had the right idea and got rid of him because she didn't want to raise her children thinking it'd ok for a man yo treat his partner that way.

Don't raise your boy around a man who treats you with...contempt. Because that's what it is. You aren't a maid, you aren't a babysitter. You are someone who's voice, feelings, thoughts and opinions matter. If he doesn't care to hear about those things, he is not your partner. Hell, he isn't even your friend. He doesn't even like you.

Time to go.
Stop being used by this parasite. Don't ket the way he treats you become something your son grows up to copy towards you and other women.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And totally agree with watchkeys

You should never find yourself tying yourself in knots looking for a way to explain basic human empathy to another human being. If you're doing that - chances are you're in an abusive relationship.

Because normal humans have empathy for their partners. So stop trying to explain anything to him in the hopes he magically develops the capacity to listen and give a shit about you.

Instead - ask yourself where your compassion for yourself has gone?

You're not a shrink. You can't fix other people's fucked up personalities. But you can leave them and lead an emotionally healthy life free of their bs.

You matter. Your feelings are valid. Choose you.

What was he like "parenting" the children from his previous relationship? Didn't you realise getting involved with a man with 3 children in tow was potentially going to end up the way it has?

Hi
looking for some advice. My ex husband has over the years, not focussed on his children, rather relationship after relationship. This has obviously caused my children to grow up feeling that they had to take the scrapes of his time. Something he refuses to acknowledge. He’s about to celebrate a birthday and wants them to go - they are adamant that they do not wish to go - after he moved someone else into his house that they don’t wish to know. I don’t want to force them and feel that he is using the birthday to force a gathering and to put them on show. There are lots of reasons why, but suffice to say that they have had to work through some serious issues and feel totally abandoned by him - only getting a small percentage of his time as he’s focused his time elsewhere, yet they need to be where he wants them when he wants it.

Sorry ignore this I'm trying to post it in a new post