I know this sounds odd- but if it helps I have autism and I do struggle with things like this.
I’ve been with DP for just over 2 years, living together a few months. Things aren’t bad. He’s a good man and I trust him, we have a laugh sometimes and we have some mutual interests.
But, things aren’t good either. He’s rarely home due to his hobbies. When he is home he’s constantly on his phone (I think it might be a genuine addiction?) or napping. We never spend any time together, I’ve tried to ask for a bit of compromise on how long he’s spending at his various hobbies but he says it’s not possible. In fact he’s recently decided he’s starting a new hobby too, no discussion! Presumably this will be during the very rare times he is home (occasional Friday nights and Sundays). The time we do spend together (when he isn’t doing hobbies or asleep), he has his phone on his hand and it’s beeping constantly. We will have a film on or whatever but he doesn’t watch it, just texts, scrolls Facebook, is on one of his hobby chat groups. I don’t have any reason to think he’s cheating or even chatting to women, I really think his hobby is all he cares about and he’s just in touch with people from that.
This weekend he was out at his hobby 8am-9:30pm on Saturday, which is fine but when he got home I was watching something and when it finished I went to make a drink and then he was fast asleep. We barely had the chance to say hello, how was your day, and there he stayed until he decided it was bed time. He barely said a word to me when he got in and he hates being woken/disturbed when he’s tired so I just sat and scrolled MN for an hour! Sunday he had some errands to run and some DIY bits to do (I do 90% of everything but I don’t do DIY). When that was all done and we sat down together it was 7pm, normally we would watch a film or maybe chat or something after eating but he was on his phone both during the meal and for an hour afterwards, so again I just sat, I didn’t really know what to say without him getting upset that I’m telling him what he can and can’t do! So eventually I got up, tidied everything away and when I got back I put something on TV, then he fell asleep- so again no time together at all.
This isn’t the first time and every time the resentment builds. I know I need to say something and I’ve tried a few times but I can’t do it. He isn’t very good when he feels “nagged” and will shut down/storm off or make excuses so any conversation I’ve tried in the past has been short lived and somehow I’m the bad guy. In bed last night I was really trying to find the words (I’m fine once I get going but I couldn’t think how to tell someone how unhappy you are without “nagging” them?). I’m considering doing it by text today whilst he’s at work so he knows we need to talk tonight, but it that petty? And do I just text “I’m unhappy” or do I send a long message (like this post!) and explain? He will instantly become defensive anyway. I really don’t know what to do, it isn’t a LTB situation but things do need to change.