Hey, I’m new and after some advice!

[Cl2227]

Hey everyone, I’m new here and wanted to reach out to fellow ladies to try and help lessen my anxiety around guys/dating.

I was seeing a guy for a few months towards the end of last year but it wasn’t really going anywhere. We were very on and off and never had a chat about what we really were. He was a lot more into it than I was and I found myself not having the confidence to tell him it wasn’t for me as I didn’t want to upset him (I struggle with people pleasing, a lot).

I know I should have told him sooner but I was finding him as a person very difficult to explain when things weren’t feeling right and I kept feeling pushed into a corner.

I did eventually muster up the courage to tell him it just wasn’t for me, this was just before Christmas (awful I know, but I just couldn’t keep it doing any longer).

a few days before I “officially” told him I couldn’t continue being with him, I unexpectedly got chatting to a guy who I am now seeing and things are going really well.

However, because of the way my anxiety can be, I feel compelled to tell the guy I’m now happily dating about this other guy I ended things with. Sounds silly I know as we got talking around 20th December and I officially ended things with the other guy on the 23rd.

Me and the new guy didn’t meet up until after the new year as we spent around 2 weeks chatting away online. I have blocked the other guys number and on social media etc.

as I said, I’m a massive people pleaser and feel the need to be so honest about everything to everyone.

what would everyone else’s thoughts be on this please? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill for myself?

thank you in advance ladies x

It's such a non issue. I wouldnt bother

No you don't need to say anything.

You hadn't defined if or what you were to each other (previous guy).

Nothing much to tell him. It didn't sound like an exclusive relationship and you and new guy met after the last had ended.

Don't lie if new guy asks you directly whether you've dated lately. Just say 'I was dating someone on and off for a few months but I wasn't really into it and finished things a bit before Christmas'.

I fear that if you try and explain this proactively you'll make it sound incriminating and set things off on the wrong foot. Best just to move on.

In future, say, if things don't work out with new guy, best to wrap one up completely before casting around again but there's really nothing to tell here. Honestly. I wouldn't be so blase about real overlap but you'd just be risking something potentially good over nothing much.

Yes you are

nothing to tell.

Hello fellow ladies. That too is how I greet my friends.

Perhaps find something else to do.

no, I wouldn’t tell him.

You’re not so much making a mountain out of a molehill as making a mountain out of flat ground. There is nothing to tell here.

I used to be a people pleaser - still am a bit of one - until I realised it’s actually a rather selfish way to behave. Ultimately, we people please so that people will like us. But actually it’s generally more helpful to others if we establish and take responsibility for our boundaries and look after ourselves a bit.

The way you describe your behaviour with this previous guy makes me think you’re a bit too vulnerable to be dating. You tied yourself in knots over a guy you scarcely knew and now you’re tying yourself in knots about the new guy. Stop it.

Please realise that you don’t owe any man a relationship - you owe it to yourself (and actually the man) to walk away if something isn’t right. Your only job at the moment is to look after yourself. Please work on doing that. It makes it easier for everyone else, too, because they know where they stand.