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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please can I have some advice

15 replies

Namechangedforthis12456 · 05/02/2023 18:55

Hi, I really need some help.

Just over a week ago my boyfriend did something that scared me. I don’t know how to feel. I keep sitting outside the police station wanting to talk to them but I’m not sure if it’s a police matter.

We met up for food and got into a small argument (he was rude to the waiter and I didn’t like it). I went home and when prompted I text him that I didn’t like his behaviour before falling asleep.

He turned up outside my house at 2am wanting to talk so I got in the car with him. This was a bad idea. We ended up arguing again. He started driving like a maniac. Every time I raised an issue that upset me he would start driving down the wrong lane at 70-90 miles an hour. If a car had appeared from around the bend we and anyone in the other car would have been dead. He did this several times while telling me he wanted to die and end it all.

I was really upset and begging him to stop but he kept doing it. His car has multiple issues at the moment. He’s just put it in the garage who referred to it as a ‘death trap’. I really thought there was a chance we were going to die.

After he took me home the police started following him. I think there had been reports of his erratic driving. They pulled him over and took his license details and he gave them my number so there is ‘proof’ of some sort that he was in the area and driving in an unsafe manner.

Who can I speak to about this? Is this a police matter? It’s not been mentioned since but I can’t get over it. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 05/02/2023 18:57

Dump him.

I don't think he police will do anything after the fact if no one was hurt. But he has shown you his true colours. Block him, get out and thank your lucky stars you don't have to deal with him anymore.

Good luck.

DuchessOfSausage · 05/02/2023 19:01

Dump him. Block him on everything. If he turns up at your home, do not speak to him or let him in.
If he starts shouting or threatening, call the police.

ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 19:04

Please tell me you are not still with him?

Greenraincoat12 · 05/02/2023 19:05

ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 19:04

Please tell me you are not still with him?

For your own safety -this^

gettingalifttothestation · 05/02/2023 19:09

You must get out of this relationship

figmaofmyimagination · 05/02/2023 19:09

Dump him.
Block him.
Tell the police what happened and how it made you feel. Let them decide what to do about it, you don’t need to make that decision x

Christmaspyjamas · 05/02/2023 19:12

Dump him. It is your job to protect yourself. The police aren't going to be able to end your relationship for you. Only you can do that.

ZaphodDent · 05/02/2023 19:20

So because you didn't like him being rude to a waiter, he flew into a rage and very nearly killed you both.

Please, please, please get yourself away from this man.

007DoubleOSeven · 05/02/2023 19:25

The reason you're so unsettled is because this was abusive behaviour. You do need to end things with him but if you're afraid to do there are a few things you can do:

  1. keep posting here

  2. open up to close friends and family

  3. call womens aid or refuge

  4. speak to the police

freezingpompoms · 05/02/2023 19:26

Finish it tonight. Ring the police and report him and then block him.

007DoubleOSeven · 05/02/2023 19:29

The police might charge him with a driving offence if they feel they have enough evidence, but you'll get lots of advice from womens aid and refuge about ending things safely and I think you need family and friends to support you.

Eyerollcentral · 05/02/2023 19:34

I’m not sure what the police can do. Wha you can do is dump him and block him

Stillcountingbeans · 05/02/2023 21:30

And if he threatens suicide, don't believe him. It is a classic abusive tactic - he won't do it.

good96 · 07/02/2023 19:24

You need to leave this relationship. He put your life at risk by driving recklessly. How can things go back to ‘normal’ after this?

Grandmasword · 07/02/2023 19:30

Please you must know that if he is showing this amount of violence to you in the car, yes its violence to drive the car the way he did, with you in it to threaten you.
Please know your worth and leave this relationship, he will destroy you as this is just a sample from him and a window into what he will do to you in the future if you remain an item. He is abusive because he chooses to be, he is telling you he will kill himself if you leave him, this is a lie and even if he followed through,, YOU WOULD NOT BE TO BLAME

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