Cant take DPs misery anymore

[Verysadandcantsustainthis]

DP is a miserable bastard and very difficult to live with and I've reached the end I think.

What's tipped me over the edge - it was DDs 15th birthday last weekend. She wanted a certain takeaway for her tea - fine, we said she could pick. DP not massively keen on this food but has had it before, including a period of time where for about a month he kept buying it every week. I wasn't keen on that particular brand but always ate it, I'm not fussy over food tbh but he is, very (think if I get a different brand of sauce there's lots of comments, face pulling, eating v. slowly, making a drama of not finishing it and rustling in cupboards afterwards for snacks etc).

Well, getting this takeaway was awful for him. Moaning, trying to change DDs mind, being belligerent when I was reading out the menu, huffing, sad faces, delaying choosing, using the price as a reason to not get it (I was paying, like usual), huffing when I shared updates on the delivery, comments about what to expect etc. He ruined it and sucked the joy out of it and I was upset on DDs behalf that he wouldn't just be OK with it because it was what she wanted for her birthday. DD unaware of all this tbf, she gave us both a hug and a kiss afterwards thanking us for the "amaze" takeaway. I note he ate most of his.

The other day I got the arse off him because I asked him to drop DS off somewhere 10 mins out of his way as I was sorting something out for DD and didn't want to have to rush back. Huffing, slamming doors, slamming keys down etc. Told him to stop being a twat, its not for me its for his kid, and I think he was surprised I pulled him up.

There's a lot more they are just recent examples.

I'm weary of him. He does pull his weight to a degree when it comes to stuff for the kids, apart from that I get nothing out of this relationship except the occasional laugh together and a bit of money towards the mortgage and bills. Its all misery and doom.

He works about 30 hours a week in a non stressful job.

I suggested he could be depressed because hes progressively become worse to live with, and to see the doc. Obvs he won't go because he says there's nothing wrong with him and im weird for suggesting hes depressed because of one takeaway. So a nice bit of gaslighting thrown in too.

I don't want to be with him anymore, my line in the sand has been reached.

What do I need to do to start planning? I can buy him out the mortgage and easily survive on my wage alone, but do I need to speak to a solicitor? I've put a lot of my money into this house, some has added value, I've bought all the furniture, TV etc. I'll be fucked if hes getting 50% of it.

Get rid asap. Is the mortgage actually in both your names? Or your name only? He sounds exhausting. Life is too short for miseries

If you're not married fort working out your contribution.

Start working out your individual contributions. No reason at all he's get 50/50.

Oh OP, your background obviously makes you accept this sort of thing as normal. Well done for seeing that it's not, despite your conditioning, and congratulations on being in a position to do something about it.

Lucky you’re not married. He’ll be all hell to get rid of - get ready for the Oscar performance. You’ll all be healthier without him.

Do you think DC want shot of him too? Sounds like they might - but don’t make them feel responsible.

Argue for individual contributions to be repaid before splitting the equity 50/50.

Do you have receipts for the essential work you did? You could maybe prove you paid for it if the bill was paid from an account in your name only.

OP, if you don't currently have receipts, see if the suppliers you dealt with at the time are willing to send you, as an email attachment, a receipt (showing VAT and VAT Registration if applicable) on their official letterhead. Good luck. 🌹

Somebody made an interesting point on MN a while back. The thread dealt with relationships, and how the young seem less inclined to get involved. They remarked that, until recently, women had very little choice. Even as late as the 1970s and '80s, a single woman over 25 was a failure and a weirdo – a reject. Because of that, countless women put up with utterly miserable, shit marriages, and endured them to the end, because, well, that was what you did. Today, that has all changed. Women (and men) are waking up to the fact that you don't have to be in a relationship at all. And that if you do commit to one, it should be because you want to – because they are kind and funny and interesting. Not because it is expected (or because you want to fit in). That sounds so obvious, yet to many people it isn't.

Your situation is a classic OP. A boring, miserable guy, who throws tantrums if you break his dreary little routine, etc. God, how often do you hear that? Ugghh. No thanks. I'd a thousand times rather be in a flat surrounded by books. If he's like that now, can you imagine what he'll be like when he's 70 or 80!!

How’s it going @Verysadandcantsustainthis ? Are you free of the joysucker yet? Do hope so….