Wobble or end relationship

[Winemygoodenemy]

Been dating a guy for nearly a year. We are both mid 40s, no kids, busy jobs and I have a more active social life. We live 1 hours drive away and I work later hours. Normally see each other once during the week and at the weekend.

We met online and he is total opposite of what I would go for, but we work well together. I am normally avoidant in a relationship and avoid planing and paying for things months in advance. I am fiercely independent and he knows this. He struggled at the start that I didn’t depend on him. But he accepts and says he is glad I can manage my own life.

I think I am in love. He is kind, generous, wants to do activities and I do feel he loves me when I see him. We have weekends away planned way into the summer including an expensive non refundable holiday. You could say commitments. he does annoy me with his communication style. He is rubbish at texting. I normally get a 20 mins call a day and my texts can ignored for hours. Feel out of sight out of mind sometimes.

however I wobbled a bit this week. I told him my friend got proposed to on Xmas day. He said he would never propose to me on a significant date. It would be a random date so it’s ours. Said it would he private and romantic. He is not Romantic at all. He has mentioned proposal a few times now. Not sure if he is looking for a response.

my friends are now hinting he is going to propose on holiday. We have treated ourselves to a luxury beach holiday. We upgraded our room to a romance room due to the perks. He was very insistent to do this. Said it would be intimate.

I am also getting a late relatives ring redesigned to something i would wear. He is getting very interested in what ring designs I like. I am also selling my house and the house I was buying fell through. He suggested I move in with him and don’t rush buying another. Just wait and see. I am grateful I am not homeless but it wasn’t in my plans. He lives mes away from my social life.

i am now wobbling as I should feel excited. But I am internally panicking. Is this my gut telling me it’s not right? Or my avoidant style and wanting to be independent kicking in.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

"I am also selling my house and the house I was buying fell through "

Every cloud has a silver lining. Keep your home, put any thoughts of selling your property on hold.

"He suggested I move in with him and don’t rush buying another. Just wait and see. I am grateful I am not homeless but it wasn’t in my plans. He lives mes away from my social life".

Hmmm re moving in with him and not rushing to buy another house.
You both live an hour apart from each other and your social life is where you live.

I would let him off re his lack of texting though; some people really do not like doing this and it's really a poor form of communication. Do you phone him or do you only text him?.

I would not think your friends are actually right re he proposing to you on holiday either.

You're both adults; have you both openly discussed marriage other than tip toe around the subject? (he mentioning proposing repeatedly and what was your response)?. Have you told him you want marriage?. If you cannot talk to each other openly about this let alone any other serious subject matters, what is the point of you two being together at all?.

[Winemygoodenemy]

@AttilaTheMeerkat we discussed buying together hypothetically. Compromising on area, would be halfway between. I live in a city him in the country. Both in sane page in protecting our deposits with a legal agreement and having control over our own money. It was a random conversation before I found a buyer. Moving in would be a trial and if we were to buy together he knows it’s not where he lives.

We discussed at the start what we wanted out of a relationship. Ultimate goal to find a life partner and build a future. As I have been burnt in the past, he does tell me we are more than sex.

marriage he knows I would like commitment. He does want it long term. I just never thought it would happen. I also knows I can be awkward with mention s of the future so he takes it baby steps due to trauma in my past relationships.

[Ydkiml]

He sounds lovely and genuine and I think your wobbles is about losing abit of control in your life which makes you feel vulnerable. That’s a good thing . It’s ok to feel abit scared and abit vulnerable . Maybe try the moving in together for a few years first , his place or yours , then if all is well , possibly marriage.

[Winemygoodenemy]

@Ydkiml you could be right. My mum died recently very unexpectedly and honeymoon period ended very abruptly.

I would try living together but I have lived by myself for many years. Not worried about finances as we are on the same page about keeping them separate and safeguarding our deposits etc. and earn similar.

it’s planning a future together that’s scary. People say they know and it’s natural. I want him here but wobbled when he says marriage.

[CambsAlways]

Totally agree with ydk above post