I really need a hand hold - leaving emotional abuse

[Dancingonthemoonlight]

I've left my emotionally and mentally abusive P. He left the house a week ago but we didn't officially end until yesterday. After he sent me more abuse over messages, because I caught him In a lie and instead of admitting he lied and explaining himself/talking about it he started name calling/belittling me/carrying on the lie/making me feel worthless/playing with my reality etc and then he started calling my oldest son names and being horrible about him (to my phone he never saw them and never will) I know I need to forward these to the police and speak to woman's aid/Get into therapy etc why Is the actual doing of these things harder than saying it? For what it's worth the house is rented and I'm the sole tenant so no property issues. I'm feeling very numb and confused and a little lost. I need a hand hold, I need some advice, some confidence anything really but please don't be harsh im vulnerable and fragile right now xx

Congratulations OP that's a hell of an acheivement! What a b***d! It's great that you don't have housing issues to sort. Even though you're feeling lost and fragile, try and concentrate on the positives - a better life without him, no more abuse etc. Could you meet a friend today? X

then he started calling my oldest son names and being horrible about him (to my phone he never saw them and never will)

how old are your children?
and how was he calling him names if he’s never actually met him?

Just seen that your children are very young

How on earth has he not met them when he lives with you and he has walked out on me probably over 60 times in 7 years?

Well done indeed for getting shot of your abuser; your son will also thank you for doing that. Now you need time and space to heal.

You indeed know what to do; you've already mentioned the Police and contacting Womens Aid. May I suggest also that you enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme; Womens Aid can tell you more about this and I think it will help you no end.

I think OP meant her son hadn't seen the messages and never will.

She meant the son will never see the messages.

Please seriously consider contacting the Police ASAP. This is a dangerous time for you, as it means that the perpetrator has lost control and they can ramp up the abuse.
Also, your local domestic abuse charity or Women’s Aid will provide you with support and advice.

I thought the OP’s name rang a bell.

sure enough… a catalogue of threads and posts about this awful man.

Op, if not for your sake, then for your children’s sake

Hiya don't want you all to think i posted then abandoned the thread I went to my parents for dinner with my DC. He's apologised but I'm not able to see past the stuff he's said anymore. The pain and mental torment he's caused me. It's so hard to not feel sorry for him when he's saying he's going to make sure I never see or hear from him again (he's chronically depressed and has expressed how he wants to not exist on a nearly daily basis) obviously I don't want him to die etc I'm not callous. He will probably be drinking again by now so he could well turn nasty over messages again. But we will see. As for right now I've got the house to sort out and a million toys to put away.

Op

you really do seem to miss the really important fact that your children are enduring a shit show

no way could I feel sorry for someone who was doing this to my children

It's so hard to not feel sorry for him when he's saying he's going to make sure I never see or hear from him again

bugger all thought to his children

It's so hard to not feel sorry for him when he's saying he's going to make sure I never see or hear from him again

He is manipulating you. That's a threat, it's to frighten you into submitting to his will. It certainly does not deserve your sympathy. It's text book common for these men to threaten suicide. Preventing whatever he threatens or chooses to do is not your responsibility.

This is a dangerous time for you, as it means that the perpetrator has lost control and they can ramp up the abuse.

Yes, it's the most dangerous time for an abused woman as they often ramp up the abuse and escalate, but he has not lost control. Everything he does he intends to do. Jane Monckton Smith's book In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder is a very worthwhile read.

He's apologised but I'm not able to see past the stuff he's said anymore. The pain and mental torment he's caused me. It's so hard to not feel sorry for him when he's saying he's going to make sure I never see or hear from him again (he's chronically depressed and has expressed how he wants to not exist on a nearly daily basis)

This is manipulation.
It’s not regret. It’s not love.
Manipulation.

I fell for it and the next time he became abusive he threatened to kill me.

He’s left, leave it that way.
Speak to the police and Women’s Aid —- once you’ve told one person it gets easier. Make sure your locks are changed. Do not hesitate to call the police if he turns up, do NOT let him into your home.

I wanted to say, I’ve been there.
5 years ago.
Keep going.
You’ve made the most important step.
I saw a counsellor who said
”the treatment you have had is neither right, or uncommon”.

Get away from this vile specimen you owe it to your kids