I have little experience with boy children as I have girls so this is fairly new to me. I get on ok with SS who is 8, but he definitely sees me as bottom of the pile. He makes it so I lose every game we ever play, he will always make me go last for everything we do, he always wants me to sit furthest away (or not at all). He isn’t outright unpleasant to me as such, he talks to me but he can be rude and DP doesn’t always pull him up which can be frustrating. DP feels guilty I think for being divorced and having me around so I think let’s him get away with things but to be fair DP also does nag him constantly about a lot of things. I don’t want to put pressure on DP to choose me over his own child, just you know, parent him. Games end up not being fun so I lose interest in them quickly, and if I ever beat him he seems to be mortally wounded.
SS has not great table manners. If there is anything extra on the table aside from the meal, (bread, salad) SS will take all of it for himself instead of eating the main. he also doesn’t use cutlery so I sometimes will remind him to use it, or focus on his food and not taking everyone else share. I can get him to help out but usually takes a lot of encouragement that he’s better than everyone else at washing or tidying up for him to do anything, and then he will do it very slowly.
SS seems to really like his step dad and they do a lot together so I don’t think he objects to having step parents but we don’t seem to have hit it off well. My own girls tell me he annoys them by tickling them and not stopping when they ask him to. I will always tell him to stop. He also is overbearing with my dog (mine before we met) and tries to lie on top of the dog or put his arms round the neck and get into the dogs face to kiss him which I am constantly saying is not safe, and all the reasons why he needs to be kinder and gentler to the dog. The dog is very placid natured and has never bitten, but I told DP that if the dog bites DSS when he does this it will not be the dogs fault in this case so I expect DP to stop this behaviour. I really worry that DSS mum would expect me to get rid of the dog if he bit him and then I would be in an impossible situation. Despite knowing the dog for 3 years and being around other dogs he still does all of these things, and more like trying to force the dog to play and insists on walking the dog himself but not paying attention to the lead and I am always hovering over them intervening which makes me feel controlling. I have told DP I don’t think we should ever get another dog as it’s too stressful but he thinks one day a puppy would be a great idea.
I once bought DSD something in a sale I had seen that was a bargain and gave it to my DP to give to her (it wasn’t anything very exciting) but DSS has never forgotten this and reminds me of the time I bought DSS something and not him.
I would like to build a good RS with DSS though and today I have him on my own for a few hours. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I can build a better relationship? I asked him what he wanted to do today and he said play video games, but DP thinks we should do something away from TV.
Thanks