How do I begin to get over this?

[Riseofthephoenix]

My partner of 4 years told me a few weeks ago that he wants to split, we have a 2yr old DS together.
I have had pretty severe postnatal anxiety since his birth which has really changed me as a person, I became very anxious about many things, frightened about EVERYTHING and it brought out a very ugly side of me, the need to control almost everything and everyone around me, to control how everything was done (particularly in relation to DS) and took me to a point where I had no conversation other than about DS, things to do with him, things to buy him, the list goes on.
I really stopped making time for me and my partner, stopped prioritising him him in any way ever, I guess DS became front and centre to the detriment of all my other relationships.
I know that I have made his life impossible and certainly very unhappy since the birth of our DS but we have had some really incredibly wonderful times in that period.

This has been a huge wake up call, I have arranged therapy and medication and I am determined not to ignore what is clearly a problem for me. I will defeat the anxiety.

I am just so beyond devastated that I have allowed it to ruin what was once the best relationship I ever had, we were so happy, I truly thought I would be with him until my dying day.
And here we are.
I suspect another woman due to the sudden way he ended it and his refusal to even see if we are capable of recovering. I have no proof.
I don’t know what to do, I am terrified of my son growing up without both gods parents together, how well that affect him? His ADORES his daddy and calls for him constantly, they have a wonderful relationship.
I am grieving so hard for the loss of “family time” I can’t believe that my son will never again get to do things with both his parents together, how can he be okay in that situation?
All the little things and routines that we love as a family are going to be gone forever, I feel like I’ve failed my DS already and am so worried about how good future will look.
I feel like I will never feel happy or okay again, I don’t know how I’ll ever move past this.
Then what happens when my partner ends up inevitably having a new baby with someone else and our son gets pushed out and left out? Feels rejected?
I just don’t know how to start moving past this, the grief and guilt is almost too much to bear.
Has anyone else ever been left by someone they still loved and were happy with? How did you move on? How did your children cope?

Your child won't lose a father though, I hate that narrative.

It's unfortunate your partner has decided to leave an unhappy relationship, but if he is as involved as you describe, he will still be involved in the child's life.

I didn’t say at any point that my son was losing his father, I said that he was losing the two of us together. I know my son isn’t losing his father, but he is losing something.

@Riseofthephoenix it's annoying, isn't it, when other posters seem unable to mange reading comprehension?

You'll be grieving the loss of your family unit. How you thought your life would be. That's a huge change and it will take a good while to get used to it.

You will of course make sure your ds is always loved and give him stability.

You can't predict how his dad will behave in future but it sounds like he loves his ds very much too which is a good omen.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Doesn't sound like your partner was very committed since he's leaving you when you've been unwell.

Sounds like they have had two years of a controlling partner unwilling to make their relationship in any way a priority or even talk about anything but their child by the words in that post. That sounds exhausting, glad you feel like you could overcome it by strength of character alone but the rest of us humans would struggle.

I'm sorry OP. Maybe they will come back if you manage to change back into the partner you were before, but you might need to give them the space to do that. Even if there is another person on the scene, sounds like your relationship did need some sort of change if it wasn't working for you both. Being cheated on is horrid so I'm sorry if that was the case, but best to just carry on trying to work on yourself and hope you can be a great co-parenting unit for your lovely son.

Then what happens when my partner ends up inevitably having a new baby with someone else and our son gets pushed out and left out? Feels rejected

there is no reason to believe this will happen. Many families blend well and he sounds like an involved father.

I think focus on your recovery and not some event years down the line that may never happen. And of course he can be ok when both parents aren’t together, millions of children are, what’s important is each parent is happy individually and can provide love, care and a good safe home environment . So focus on you now, and your treatment, you can do this.

good luck you can get healthy again.

I recently left my partner even though I loved him. I reached my limit and enough was enough. I tried everything to make it work. As brutal as this sounds, maybe your partner has reached his limit. Everyone has one. Living with someone controlling and with constant high anxiety is tasking and it seems like he wasn't prepared to continue. I'm so sorry for you, both for your personal struggles and for the devastating loss of your relationship. Please take steps to get better for your sake and your sons sake. No matter what happens next, living the way you are doing is no good for anyone.