keeping a desperate-to-be-friends mum diplomatically at arm's length?

[Danae]

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Tell her you're desparate for the loo and dash in...

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It's because you feel so horribly guilty about not being nice isn't it? I'm like this, or used to be anyway. I found it hugely difficult to shake off a woman from my dd's school btu having succesffuly done it (by being quite rude, in the end, which I felt utterly torn apart by but absolutely knew it was the right thing to do as i couldn't cope with another unhealthy friendship) I now find it quite liberating to be a bit of a mardy antisocial person when it suits me! If you can't avoid her you could try being REALLY grumpy next time you're there and stomp about and moan a lot about what a bad mood you're in, she might get less out of hanging around you then.

It is out of order to throw fag ends all over your lawn by the way....

I'm torn on this one tbh. What struck me was this line

"She can
smoke, have an abusive partner, feed her kid whatever she chooses, it's her life, I just don't want her on my front door step." "have an abusive partner"? you would lump that in with being a smoker/feeding her kids crap? .

Actually it sounds to me as if this woman is having quite a hard time of it, and her trying to convince you of certain things being better for your child sounds like she's trying to validate her own parenting. Maybe she gets a lot of criticism at home. And it's only once a week so it's not as if she turns up on your doorstep at 8:30 every morning demanding to spend the day with you - she walks to your front door once a week and chats for a few minutes and you can't even afford her that.

The cigarette buts on the grass would annoy me and I would feel compelled to say something, but on the rest I think you are being very harsh.

I had this problem too and It's horrible.Also sad at the same time.This woman did used to turn up at my house on 9 am everyday - even weekends.

I let her in the first few times that she followed me home. I made a big mistake. She would use the children to get to me. She would not go home. I fed the children because I had to feed mine. In the end I would say I had to go out, so she would go home.

I was feeling very low with P.N.D at the time and didn't have the strength to say no. She ended up borrowing money ( for milk for the children) eevn though she smoked ect.She never gave it back. We had nothing in common and I feel she used me tbh.

I went to assertive classes in the end to deal with this sort of thing. I think I felt responsible for the children really. They were very dirty ect. While it was going on I felt invaded and angry.

So, I feel for you. Follow your instincts from the start. She is not your problem.She will find her own friends eventually. Have a quick chat and thats it. . By the way this woman ended up stealing things from my house.

People always try to squeeze the last bit of life out of you when you're down dont' they? I also had people utterly take the p*ss iwth me when I had PND, I think about those relationships now and they just don't make sense if i dont' factor in teh illness. Sorry danae not saying you have PND but you are vulnerable with a small child, so people are likely to take advantage... Especially if they know you are at home and not working.