Life after love bombing

[answeronapostcard]

Is it inevitable that men just stop trying after marriage? I would say in hindsight my DH love bombed me a bit, bought me flowers and made a huge effort, I lived on my own at the time and he helped me around the house doing all the jobs I couldn't myself, he fitted out my bathroom and built wardrobes, he was so capable and generous with his time, he never showered me with gifts as such but he certainly left adoring notes around the house. We got married two years ago and have a baby arriving very soon, it's my birthday tomorrow and he's told me he never managed to get me a gift as he couldn't get what i suggested (which really wasn't difficult and I mentioned it ages ago) also I have been waiting for about 6 months for him to put up two shelves in our babies nursery.
He works away a lot of the time and when he comes home he basically catches up on his sleep and does paper work and sees his family. I feel a bit left behind and in all honesty a bit tricked! Am I being silly? It's just a birthday and not a milestone one at all and I could just pay someone to put up the shelves. Does this always happen after marriage? I don't feel like I've changed but it does make me feel like making less effort with him but I don't want things to spiral!

I realise after a google love bombing might not be the appropriate term here as in no way has he used it aa a form of abuse, I think it was more extreme, over the top dating methods

Men try to show you their absolute best side when dating, when trying to win you over. It's unfortunately the ones that go most over the top who are least likely to be able to maintain that level of adoration and attention.

From an evolutionary perspective, those feelings that drive the male to extremes of courtship last a few months to a couple of years, long enough to win a mate and start a family.

You couldn't have known what he would settle into once you were married.

Not all men stop trying, but you need to make it clear it's totally unacceptable, that you won't be taken for granted.

Where before he was driven by passion, now he needs to be driven by a desire to make the marriage and family work well.

Does he have examples of that? What were his parents like? Is his father similar to him?

Can you have an open and honest conversation with him about how you’re feeling? How do you think he would react to that if you did?

@ZaphodDent I think that's exactly it, the effort he was making before was absolutely un maintainable however to drop to this standard so obviously and quickly is a bit of a kick in the guts.
His parents are together however they are very unhappily married. I think his father is lovely but apparently he is obstinate and a nightmare to live with. My DH and MIL are the ones to say this.
I've got half a mind to ask him to put up the shelves for my birthday, hope that makes him feel bad

@Zanatdy I absolutely could, I would feel a bit petty mentioning my birthday as it's a bit self centred and childish really. Should a fully grown adult care that much about her birthday? He'll make something for tea and probably get me some flowers and a card which would be absolutely fine if he'd done that every year up until now, it's just the change which is upsetting