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Original poster

Signs of an unhappy marriage

14 replies

rockymountains · 04/02/2023 12:13

What would you say are the signs of an unhappy/failing marriage?

I am pretty sure, I am deep in the unhappiness but I have a husband who doesn't want to communicate issues and I think he thinks I just won't leave him and we should just carry on this way. The older I'm getting I feel so sad/angry at myself for allowing myself to settle the way I have.

His mum literally goes to me 'please don't divorce him ok'. I feel a huge amount of pressure from all ends.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 12:21

I’m in the same position. Twice I’ve had the conversation and he’s promised to change, doesn’t, so I stay angry and frustrated.
I used to be so strong, wouldn’t have put up with this, but now I’m this pathetic creature who stays as I don’t want to lose my house and see 50% of my kids.

Original poster
rockymountains · 04/02/2023 12:30

KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 12:21

I’m in the same position. Twice I’ve had the conversation and he’s promised to change, doesn’t, so I stay angry and frustrated.
I used to be so strong, wouldn’t have put up with this, but now I’m this pathetic creature who stays as I don’t want to lose my house and see 50% of my kids.

Exactly in the same position. The thought of not having my kids 100% has really made things difficult. I can see why it's so hard for people to leave when kids and finances are involved which I never truly understood before.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 12:31

I think it’s hard when the kids have left too, as you see so little of them, so you know you’d only get 50% of that little amount.
I feel so angry and trapped.

Original poster
rockymountains · 04/02/2023 12:50

KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 12:31

I think it’s hard when the kids have left too, as you see so little of them, so you know you’d only get 50% of that little amount.
I feel so angry and trapped.

Makes me resent him more for even putting me in a situation that I feel trapped and he still won't try to change despite seeing and knowing I'm unhappy.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 04/02/2023 12:50

Do all you can to cheer the marriage up.. All marriages have highs and lows, especially with children.
You are honest to admit being unhappy.
What would make you happy? Be responsible for your own happiness. Set aside some time every week to do something that you really enjoy. Invite your husband to join you sometimes.
Every day plan to have a happy hour. say from 6 - 7pm.

Your husband could choose what to do, as could your children. The kids will get used to seeing you enjoying yourself. This could be drawing, listening to favourite songs, dancing, walking in the neighbourhood, playing cards, board games, bubble bathor bathing the dog etc..
Only you guys know what makes you happy so do those things. Happy thoughts will lead to happy conversation and all aspects of your life could be improved with effort.
Don't settle for being unhappy.

Original poster
rockymountains · 04/02/2023 12:59

user1492757084 · 04/02/2023 12:50

Do all you can to cheer the marriage up.. All marriages have highs and lows, especially with children.
You are honest to admit being unhappy.
What would make you happy? Be responsible for your own happiness. Set aside some time every week to do something that you really enjoy. Invite your husband to join you sometimes.
Every day plan to have a happy hour. say from 6 - 7pm.

Your husband could choose what to do, as could your children. The kids will get used to seeing you enjoying yourself. This could be drawing, listening to favourite songs, dancing, walking in the neighbourhood, playing cards, board games, bubble bathor bathing the dog etc..
Only you guys know what makes you happy so do those things. Happy thoughts will lead to happy conversation and all aspects of your life could be improved with effort.
Don't settle for being unhappy.

I've tried for so long but I'm a stage that I just can't push myself to even make an effort anymore. We do fun things as a family, we joke around a lot and we spend time as a family a lot BUT it's the contributions from my husband towards me, as a married couple. I've mentioned let's do date nights and he uses the kids as an excuse (my family live 10 mins away), we sleep in separate rooms (I'm with the baby and he's with my oldest), with intimacy he's probably tried it more but I just don't have a desire to do anything with him, it's almost like a friend trying to have sex with me. I think I'm so off put by his behaviour towards me for so long and worst of all the things that come out of his mouth. When you paint a bigger picture, I just feel like I can't stand him anymore but then ag the same time I do love him because we have been together for so long. I have been telling myself that marriage have ups/downs and keep pushing through and that's the stage I'm at now just pushing through waiting for a miracle.

OP posts:
Onlyme54321 · 05/02/2023 20:30

I felt like this and persevered until it made me really unwell. I didn’t eat healthily, poor sleep. So unhappy. I was so so lonely.

I have left now, and initially it’s tough with 50% share of my children but I feel so much healthier and happier.. and the time I do spend with my children is so much more special. The divorce is difficult but would I go back?? No way! Wish I’d done it sooner.

Balkanbabies · 02/05/2024 19:44

Hey OP,

I am feeling now what you were describing in February last year. How are things now? Did you find any joy?

HulaChick · 02/05/2024 22:18

When you've fallen out of love, then you've fallen out of love! It sounds as though you've gone beyond the point of no return & any efforts from him are too little too late. Sounds like it's time for divorce and for you to find a life that will make you happier.

HelpWendy · 03/05/2024 00:04

Onlyme54321 · 05/02/2023 20:30

I felt like this and persevered until it made me really unwell. I didn’t eat healthily, poor sleep. So unhappy. I was so so lonely.

I have left now, and initially it’s tough with 50% share of my children but I feel so much healthier and happier.. and the time I do spend with my children is so much more special. The divorce is difficult but would I go back?? No way! Wish I’d done it sooner.

I agree with this. It eventually made me shell of myself. They got a poor poor version of me 100% of the time, now they a happier and hopeful version of me 50%.

I think it takes quite a while to work through this dilemma and there are various stages of grief, sadness, confusion, denial, acceptance etc.. However my advice would be is to observe yourself and please try to develop a habit of quick journalling.

Both avenues eem daunting now but give it time and it will become clearer but I can guarantee you you'll never be 100% in a situation like this, you have to listen to your gut over a period of time.

Royston123 · 13/10/2024 12:03

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MrsGlennBulb · 13/10/2024 12:08

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Is it the 1950’s again?

CalicoPusscat · 13/10/2024 12:09

I think that must be from a man!

neilyoungismyhero · 13/10/2024 12:15

I pushed through for a lot of the reasons you mentioned OP. Forty odd years married and still pushing through but it's all too late now to do anything about my situation for a number of reasons. I think as much as cheating men have a script, wives who want to leave but don't have their own script, perfectly valid but it holds us back.
I don't know the answer but I wish you the best and don't be me.

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