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Original poster

Should i end this friendship now

30 replies

Metabigot · 04/02/2023 10:27

I've been friends with someone I met through my industry ( but not same workplace) for about a year now and we have good rapport, seem to get on really well when we meet up.( apx once a month for drinks etx)

Recently it's begun to feel a bit one sided. M always the organiser, now I don't mind this per se, sometimes one can fall into that role. But often she doesn't reply for a few days and I'll end up re-texting.

Recently made plans to meet tonight. She has cancelled on me before so I thought I'd just check the plans were going ahead.

Got a 'sorry can we cancel got sooo much to do before my holiday next week and need to watch my spending ' message this morning.

I know her holiday isn't next week it's the week.after, and she's not short of cash and if dad was she could have said this last week when plans were arranged rather than wait for me to check on the day.

She's just not that in to me, is she.

Feel like what's the point staying friends when I see very little effort on her side. Plus I was looking forward to going out tonight and when was she gonna tell me had I not checked??

I've replied along the lines of couldn't you have told me earlier but no reply and not expecting one.

OP posts:
Thenewsisnext · 04/02/2023 10:30

Yeah I'd be binning her tbh

Luckingfovely · 04/02/2023 10:32

Yeah, just move on and don't give it any more brain space.

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/02/2023 10:33

I'd bin her too. Shame about tonight. Do you have anyone else to go out with?

Original poster
Metabigot · 04/02/2023 10:37

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/02/2023 10:33

I'd bin her too. Shame about tonight. Do you have anyone else to go out with?

Not really unless I join some sort of planned social network type group.

I had gut feeling she wasn't that bothered since a few months ago tbh but didn't want to accept it. But letting me down last minute like I'm a used tissue to be thrown in the trash... Well I'm not standing for that.

She's had ample time to send a u turn email now but I don't expect she will.

OP posts:
Opaljewel · 04/02/2023 10:41

She's definitely not your friend. Don't waste your time on one sided friendships. I would definitely not contact her again and just let this so called friendship slide.

This could be an opportunity to make new friends. Do you go to any Hobbies?

I would suggest using the bumble app for the friendship part or platook is another platonic friendship app. For people looking to meet friends like you. Time to meet someone who wants to see you too. Good luck op!

LadyJ2023 · 04/02/2023 10:51

Get yourself out, even for a couple of drinks and it's amazing who you end up talking to. Forget the fake friend not worth it. But your worth getting out so go out regardless dont let the friend put you off at all 🙂

larchforest · 04/02/2023 10:54

I agree with others, you are flogging a dead horse with this friendship.

pictoosh · 04/02/2023 10:57

It's not making you feel good so what's the point?

She is no noteable loss to you, I promise.

doublechocolatedigestives · 04/02/2023 10:59

I'm even having this with my own brother. Whenever he needs something we (me and mum mostly) are there asap but when we need something it's just tumbleweed silence.
I'm sick of it and it hurts so I don't even bother reaching out now.

If she makes you feel bad then distance yourself. Doesn't look like she will ever keep plans at all.
Sorry OP

Dacadactyl · 04/02/2023 10:59

She's out of order.

If I were you, I'd not text back and then make no effort at all with her and see what happens. If she doesn't invite you anywhere within the next 6 weeks, I'd bin her.

Original poster
Metabigot · 04/02/2023 11:05

I'm.just so disappointed. Lost a once close friend of 20 years standing last year in difficult circumstances and whilst I was not expecting this friend to be a replacement, it softened the blow somewhat.

I have a few long term good friends and made some recently through a hobby but I just feel like I always get let down
Feeling sorry for myself today but I will plough on and maybe go out for dinner with my mum.

Thanks for the suggestions. I've never tried online friend dating but maybe I should. Nothing to lose!

OP posts:
Original poster
Metabigot · 04/02/2023 11:08

doublechocolatedigestives · 04/02/2023 10:59

I'm even having this with my own brother. Whenever he needs something we (me and mum mostly) are there asap but when we need something it's just tumbleweed silence.
I'm sick of it and it hurts so I don't even bother reaching out now.

If she makes you feel bad then distance yourself. Doesn't look like she will ever keep plans at all.
Sorry OP

Agreed, I've lost the trust now that any arrangements will be kept.

She did thos once before an hour before we were due to meet citing illness I had my suspicion but gave her benefit of doubt.

This time I wasn't even worthy of a decent excuse!!

I mean, packing / organising for a holiday in 10 days time?? Bullshite

OP posts:
Original poster
Metabigot · 04/02/2023 11:32

Update, she has replied saying she didn't think it was a firm arrangement but will meet tonight if she misunderstood and it would mean I had nothing planned for sat.

I think I give another chance as she's clearly wanting to make it better?

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 04/02/2023 11:53

Metabigot · 04/02/2023 11:32

Update, she has replied saying she didn't think it was a firm arrangement but will meet tonight if she misunderstood and it would mean I had nothing planned for sat.

I think I give another chance as she's clearly wanting to make it better?

I'd go, and see how the evening pans out. See if she's chatty, equal interest in you and what you're talking about and so on.

Watchkeys · 04/02/2023 11:56

Haven't you got anything better to do than faff about working out if one person likes you enough to be a friend?

If not, you'd be better off to find something, rather than focus on her. Your life's about you, not your friendship with her.

Original poster
Metabigot · 04/02/2023 12:05

Watchkeys · 04/02/2023 11:56

Haven't you got anything better to do than faff about working out if one person likes you enough to be a friend?

If not, you'd be better off to find something, rather than focus on her. Your life's about you, not your friendship with her.

No, I don't. Saddo that I am!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/02/2023 17:59

And why do choose her as a way to occupy yourself, when there are 1000 other things you could be doing with your time?

Original poster
Metabigot · 04/02/2023 18:13

Watchkeys · 04/02/2023 17:59

And why do choose her as a way to occupy yourself, when there are 1000 other things you could be doing with your time?

Have you ever considered becoming a psychotherapist @Watchkeys ?

You'd be great at it

OP posts:
watchingpullimgepisode6 · 04/02/2023 18:19

I wouldn't be going out with her tonight. There's nothing more soul destroying than someone who makes you feel shite. You'll feel better if you don't bother

Wishimaywishimight · 04/02/2023 18:38

She's giving you a 'pity date' and you have confirmed that you have no other options for tonight. She will go along reluctantly and make a bit of an effort however she will do the same next time.

Tell her you have made other plans for tonight and wish her a good holiday. Leave the ball in her court after that. In all likelihood you won't hear from her again. You can't force a friendship with someone who has lost interest. I've been there and it does hurt but clinging on will make you feel worse. Walk away now with dignity.

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/02/2023 18:56

Watchkeys · 04/02/2023 11:56

Haven't you got anything better to do than faff about working out if one person likes you enough to be a friend?

If not, you'd be better off to find something, rather than focus on her. Your life's about you, not your friendship with her.

Do you ever stop to think about how your words might affect someone who is feeling lonely?

Newusernameaug · 04/02/2023 19:00

I’d meet up with her as she clearly feels bad - no one is perfect, we all have hidden aspects of ourselves that we don’t see but others do.

this could be a really great opportunity for you to explain why it hurts you and triggers you, and she perhaps can give insight into why she behaves that way.

hope you do go out and have fun x

Tillow4ever · 04/02/2023 19:06

Are you interested in her romantically, OP? Just a vibe I'm getting from your posts.

If you are, perhaps you are more invested in this than she is? If not, perhaps you are giving her the same vibes that I'm reading here, and is trying to distance herself?

Either way, you seem to be more into the relationship than she is, maybe try to expand your friendship circle.

maddy68 · 04/02/2023 19:06

You are not her priority. Don't over invest in her

billy1966 · 04/02/2023 19:49

watchingpullimgepisode6 · 04/02/2023 18:19

I wouldn't be going out with her tonight. There's nothing more soul destroying than someone who makes you feel shite. You'll feel better if you don't bother

I agree with this.

Last minute cancellation is so rude and I wouldn't and haven't tolerated it.

We teach people how to treat us.

No one needs people without basic manners in their life.

Last minute cancellations that fxxk up your evening, unless an emergency, are not on IMO.

Go out with your mum.

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