ZERO interest in me

[Mindovermatter1235]

So I thought after giving myself a good while to heal after a terrible relationship I would try online dating. I’m in a good place, good boundaries, independent, happy….etc…all the things I needed to do in my time single.
I am in my early forties (last partner cheated on me with a young twenty something year old), my confidence was definitely shot but I’ve built it up again. I look after myself and make an effort with my appearance but was also prepared to deal with the dating pool being smaller for my age. I am looking for a relationship. Not a FWB as I’ve had one of them and it was more drama than a relationship was.
HOWEVER! I haven’t had a single date or even a message chat so far! I get the odd match then nothing! Not even unwanted d**k pics or lewd messages 😂, literally nothing.
people I knew who met people online gave me all the horror stories but I can’t even muster up interest from the players it seems never mind the decent blokes 😂
is this pretty common or is it just me!??
should I just give up in my early forties and accept that’s it!

I bet its not you! What does your profile say? Do you have pics on there? Have you got the right settings so people can contact you?

Also which site is it? I'm out of touch but others might tell you about better one

How long have you been waiting?

Yeah, that means theres definitely something up with your profile or pics, i used to get lots of messages and matches, and I'm nothing special looks wise.

What does your profile say?

I used my best pics though 🙈, no filters or anything, just a few photos that are recent. My profile is pretty basic and to the point. I struggle to know what’s good to write I’m them. I’ve been online a few months but I don’t swipe every day. On tinder and hinge!
im trying not to fixate on it being an age thing, I got over the fact my ex cheated on me with a younger woman but I guess in the back of my mind I still think men in their forties prefer twenties or early thirties.
also the amount of men 40 to 50 who still say they are unsure about having children so I avoid them because I just think eventually they would be off with someone younger.
i already have a child and happy so that ship has sailed for me.

A year or 2 ago before I met my DP my friend and I were both on the same dating sites - roughly the same age, both divorced with DC etc.

I literally got 100s of matches, went on a date most weeks when dc were at their dads. Never met anyone I massively clicked with but had fun.

My friend has had exactly the same as you.

No before I sound like the biggest headed woman, here is where it gets interesting:
I'm distinctly average. Average body, average face. Like to make an effort with my appearance but would never be described as stunning/beautiful etc

My friend on the other hand is STUNNING. She actually used to model.....probably still could. Has a body of a 25 year old, looks immaculate and whenever we're in public I literally see every man we pass checking her out.

I think her issue was a combination of men thinking her profile was fake and/or being intimidated by her.

I verify my profile so it doesn’t come across as fake or anything but even so I’m not a model or anything. Just a few of the photos are from nights out I had at Xmas so I’m all done up. The other photos are more normal from days out etc.
I seem to be eternally single. Of the few people I know who got divorced etc they were literally snapped up easily and in another relationship. I’m starting to think I’m undateable 😂
I wish i could meet someone in real life but that never happens either. I even work in a massively male dominated industry and even then all the men in work are already married etc or too young!

Still intrigued by your profile text though, have heard from many men that lots of women focus on what they are looking for rather than who they are

Get a friend to look at your profile and give you an honest opinion. You can even DM someone on here and ask them to look if you have no one you could ask in real life. otherwise, try and look a bit more critically at your profile and imagine you're a guy looking at it and try and think what might they like and what might be putting them off. Are you being too honest and too succinct or anything, because most people probably aren't.Also, think about sending messages yourself or trying a different site. From my limited understanding, I thought tinder was mostly for people who wanted sex more than a relationship, but I am not up to date and I've never heard of hinge.

I don’t mention what I’m looking for in a person….I just say something alone the lines of being the type of person who likes adventures, trying new things etc.
i hear so many conflicting reports and even resorted to watching videos on YouTube and most of the info pointed to keeping it short and not giving too much away in a profile.
It all seems very exhausting. As I said people I know who didn’t really do anything different to me seem to have the usual experience of matches, chats and dates etc.
whereas with me it’s tumbleweed.

Not just you OP. I was exactly the same when I tried it, nothing except a few matches from people who never communicated.

I decided I wasn't going to waste my timtrying any more.e

Please excuse typos. This site seems to do crazy things when I type!

You need at least 5 photos of you. Apparently taken ones are better than selfies. You need to make five likes a day. On hinge, comment and ask questions on the photos, that’s the point.

Samsung?

Are you messaging anyone or being passive? Maybe try Bumble(?) where the woman messages first?

Im same and on Samsung and losing the will sjfh with the formatting when trying to post!!

Yes, I think it's something to do with an update. The MN app works alright for me, but I can't use the web version like I used to.

Yes! Nice to know it's not just me though.

I met my oh on tinder it's been 10 years this year. I was honest my profile was I'm 42 five foot 5 and heavier than I want to be. Going through a divorce looking for fun and nights out. I. Probably looking for the impossible but no kids even grownup and no baggage. Hit me up. I was in undated I had 10 coffee dates one Saturday! Some lied did have kids etc but I kept weeding them out till I found the one. I think the trick is humour, humility and not too much of a wish list. Must be solvent, own house, car, earn 6 figures like walks on the beach and meals out if off putting. Not saying that's what you've done. Do you mention your child as that will put some off ? As it limits your availability. I said free on Wednesdays and every other weekend so they knew from the start the parameters. 10 years ago things might have been different.