I started dating a man nearly a year ago. He had a very close relationship with his ex and mother of his two children, leading me to feel like something would always happen there. Low and behold 9 months in, when she knew we were serious (or so I thought), she wanted him back after 3 years of separation. Unsurprisingly, he went back. He spent two years begging for another chance prior to this, but she constantly declined. He probably bit her hand off when she said she still loved him.
He was quite a heavy drinker when I met him, works shifts and drinks when off work and not with his children. This did die down when we were together however, and he started to make massive self improvements that were off his own back. Aside from being able to obviously keep his penis away from his ex, I know! I really seen a future with this man, and there was a time he definitely did too. I've been abused and cheated on in the past, and he was always so respectful of this. Probably why it hurt even more when he cheated too.
He tried to make contact with me shortly after we split, of which I ignored. He then messaged me a couple of times in January saying he missed me and felt he'd made a mistake. I blocked his number. I recently bumped into him in a soft play and I have to say, my heart sank to my stomach. I'm not an easy woman to win around and this was my first serious relationship since my divorce over two years ago. But I felt physically sick seeing him.
A few days later, I had a call off a number I didn't know. I answered it and it was him, I froze on the other end of the phone. My brain telling me to hang up, but my heart saying hear him out. His ex had been quite manipulative, when contacting me to tell me he had met her behind my back, and when I questioned him on what had happened right after she contacted me, he said he realised he'd made a massive mistake and wanted to stay with me. Obviously, I sent him away with a flea in his ear.
I spoke to him on the phone and he sounded really drunk. He said he's been drinking most weeks since we split. He told me other things, and it seems his ex has basically taken him back because she didn't want another woman in their children's lives. She told me a lot of lies when she contacted me, also telling me she wanted nothing to do with him and that I should block him. I had a message from a friend a couple of weeks ago saying they had seen him a couple of times in the pub, really drunk and alone. We talked about what had happened on the phone, he obviously was really apologetic. He said he'd made a massive mistake, but felt it was his only chance to go back and be there full time with his children. I know this was something he genuinely struggled with, we spoke about how much he desperately missed being there with them every day.
During the call, he stated that his ex was telling him he has a drinking problem and she doesn't want him to go out. She only sees him twice a week and doesn't bother with him any more than that. This was basically the pattern when they were separated. He said he's started drinking again out of boredom and regret. It made me feel really sad to see how he's ended up, especially since he'd done so much to improve while he was with me. I'm not an idiot. I know people manipulate to win over emotions, this isn't the first time I've been cheated on. It's hard to portray, but I genuinely felt he knew he'd made a mistake. He was begging me to think again and have him back. It was actually quite difficult to hear him. He genuinely sounded in a bad way.
We spoke for a while and I ended the call. I know I could never trust him again, I know he has brought this on himself. He didn't do it in the right way, but I respect he wanted to try again to be a family. I have no desire to rescue him, he is aware drink is a weakness of his. But can someone please tell me how to stop replaying the scenario in my head, and wishing partly that he would have come back and we could have been together again doing all the stuff we planned and looked forward to. It has been so long since I felt this way for someone, and really let someone in. I know I can't take him back, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him and wish things were different. My friends keep telling me to get back out and date but I can't think of anything worse. I wish feelings were a tap.