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Original poster

A friendship one

31 replies

BendyWendy80 · 03/02/2023 13:52

What to do when a friend doesn’t initiate plans?
I am always the one who suggests meeting up, arranging a time, place etc. If I didn’t, I doubt we’d see each other!
She always accepts an invitation and when we do meet, the conversation flows so it’s not as if she doesn’t want to be there but always being the one to make contact and suggest things to do is draining.

Anyone else been in or is in a similar situation? Any tips on how to manage it as it’s getting frustrating.

OP posts:
Original poster
BendyWendy80 · 04/02/2023 15:26

@Whatislove82 @User45378754
Yes you’re both right. I guess I put the effort in as she doesn’t have many other friendships but obviously we’re not on the same page. I shall let sleeping dogs lie and concentrate on my other friendships where it is more reciprocal.

OP posts:
been and done it. · 04/02/2023 15:29

I had the same issues twice! Don't want to think what that says about me tbh. I gave up in the end although one was a neighbour and I moved a distance away but the other was a workmate turned bestie or so I thought. I don't contact her and she hasn't contacted me.

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 15:31

BendyWendy80 · 04/02/2023 15:26

@Whatislove82 @User45378754
Yes you’re both right. I guess I put the effort in as she doesn’t have many other friendships but obviously we’re not on the same page. I shall let sleeping dogs lie and concentrate on my other friendships where it is more reciprocal.

Yup. No brainer really!

coldcoffee12 · 04/02/2023 15:36

I know two women like this.

  1. My best mate of 35 years. She has been under chronic stress for the past ten years. If I didnt organise stuff I wouldn't see her as she lives in flight or fight mode and arranging stuff just isn't on her radar. She is is very grateful that I do the planning. I love her so I dont mind.

  2. Been through a very stressful divorce and has a lot going on. If I want to see her then I will reach out and she always accepts. I dont mind as I like her company

SunflowerTed · 04/02/2023 17:20

Watchkeys · 03/02/2023 17:47

If you don't like initiating all the time, don't initiate. Let the friendship be what it is, rather than trying to keep control of it. It might be, simply, nothing.

Good advice

Ilovelurchers · 04/02/2023 17:42

My best female friend is a bit like this - in fact she is even worse, we when we do have plans, she quite often cancels!

But I know she loves me - she is always in touch, says thoughtful things and takes a deep interest in my life, in fact tells me she loves me quite often, etc etc.

It's just her - she's disorganised and not a great socialiser, but still lovely. At the end of the day we have to take people for who they are, flaws and all.....

That said, if it doesn't work for you you have every right to distance yourself from the friendship! I just wouldn't take it as reflection on how much she cares about you. Everyone is different.

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