Am going to have to leave, even though I don't want to.

[cornishone]

I've reached breaking point.

I've namechanged so I don't out myself.

DH and I have been together 30 years. We have 2 children and our eldest son died.

We've obviously we have both struggled and continue to struggle with this.

I have therapy, and have tried really hard to rebuild my life.

My husband has managed to throw himself into work, which I am grateful for, but refuses any other support. He drinks too much, is angry all of the time and is constantly picking fault.

I know he us depressed, grieving etc but he refuses to do anything about it and feels i am being unsupportive for complaining about the way he treats me.

I love him and don't want to leave but am at the end of my tether.

But I don't know what to do. I'm broke, have huge credit cards debts which I'm trying to pay off.

Our surviving child is a teenager and I don't want to put them through anymore heartache and trauma than they have already been through. I'm also furious that it has come to this, because I want us to support eachother and be kind, but he can't.

We own our own home, but I know that DH would not make things easy and there are things that need to be taken care of in order to sell.

So my question is, what are my options?

I can't afford rent, DH won't move out.

Do I stick it out for the next 4 years until our teenager has finished school?

Do I sit tight and start saving?

I can't help him or change him but I can't live like this.

This sounds like an awful situation, I'm so sorry OP.

Even though divorce would be traumatic, presumably your surviving child is already unhappy with the atmosphere in the home? It can't be good for them? What's their relationship like with your DH?

They have a good relationship but he also thinks his Dad is unreasonable in his moaning and is bored of it.

Grieving people are hurt and hurt people hurt others, I'm sorry for the loss of your child. I would talk to your husband and say you cannot cope with things as they are and you plan to leave him, then go from there. Talking to each other is important here.

Make an appointment with a solicitor, you will have a better idea of your options then… there may be options you were not expecting.

I'm so so sorry for you both on your devastating loss, sadly grief hits people differently. As hard as it is, I think you will at least have to tell him you're seriously considering leaving him because you can't take his way of grieving whilst you're also going through the same. It may bring the situation to a head and cause him to realise what else he stands to lose. Failing that maybe some more counselling for you could help you to separate amicably, it needn't be hostile, and you could still support each other through things a bit but also allow yourself some breathing space.

I wish you all well, and I hope that with time you can find a way to support each other through this