Ready to end relationship, how do I do it?

[Doingdoingdont]

For years I have posted on here about DH drinking and behaviour when drunk. I usually only post during a crisis or flare of really bad behaviour. I read all the replies and rarely take the advice to leave.

There is no crisis this time. Last night I just decided I don't want to live my life like this anymore. Even when things are fine I don't feel I can imagine years and years together in this relationship. We are discuing separating finances and contributing to the joint account whereas before everything went in the pot, and much of it was spent on alcohol. This seemed to prompt me to realise I can manage myself.

BUT I don't feel ready to tell him yet or tell DCs. How do I prepare practically and emotionally for asking him to leave?

You get yourself organised both financially and mentally.

Financially, get yourself into a position where you can earn enough to support yourself, that may include changing jobs so that you have child care compatible hours, or doing some extra training. Have your own savings accounts and make sure any debt in your name is paid off.

If your H is an alcoholic then you wouldn't want him responsible for childcare so start documenting what he does childcare wise and what you do.

If your DC are getting close to the age where their wishes will be taken into account and they wouldn't want to stay with him, maybe hold out for a smidgen extra until they are old enough. Caveat to that - don't do it if you think making that sort of a decision would be difficult for them.

Maybe document his drinking habits, alcohol receipts would be sufficient if they're now coming out of his account, if you can get to them.

Get all financial documents together. Find out his pensions, bank accounts, earnings. If he is self employed get accurate documentation regarding his earnings so he can't reduce his earnings to avoid paying child support.

Shore up your support network. Start socialising more, while keeping your DC safe, obviously. Keep your friends away from him, stop socialising with his friends. You may as well start what is going to happen later on.

And be a warned that once you start doing this, your H is likely going to notice you pulling away and make things harder for you. So do the big things first in case you are forced into moving out earlier than you planned.

Thanks it's good to have it in black and white like that, like a check list, I have started applying for jobs with more hours as there are none available at work.