I'm going through a divorce at the moment and exDH has been emotionally abusive. Gaslighting, manipulation, blame shifting and projection of his own faults onto me were prevalent.
I do not have family in the UK. I did not get to travel home for two years due to the pandemic. I did not have any mental break after having my child as I'm self employed. My maternity leave was brief. I was entirely isolated, over burdened and unsupported throughout my marriage. Overtime, I became worn down and had breakdown last August. My marriage finally ended and ExDH and I have been separated ever since.
Since August, my mum has given up her entire life to relocate to the UK to support me. I'm feeling happier and stronger with each passing week. ExDH hates to see me thriving and is intent on destabilising me using whatever means he can.
Since January, he has been doing his best to violate my boundaries. Most recently, he has insisted that my child is dropped off earlier and earlier each week. This overburdens DM, who is providing free childcare 2.5 days a week so that I can return to work fulltime in an attempt to keep our home. ExPIL care for my child the other 2.5 days of the week. I have asked him to explore formal childcare options on a number of occasions. I've offered to finance half the cost but he refuses to consider it. He always hated to spend money. He prefers to offload his parental responsibility onto all grandparents and they have become increasingly overburdened.
This week DC was dropped off early again. I went to retrieve her from the car and said "you're early". ExMIL was sitting in the middle of the back seat. She immediately became antagonistic and called me "selfish". She continued to berate me. I closed the car door and returned to my home. I emailed exDH to log the incident in writing. He responded and accused me of "violent and unhinged behaviour". This is false. He accused me of "repeatedly trying to slam a car door in his mother's face". His mother was not even sitting in seat directly next to the car door. He has completely mischaracterised my behaviour (I tried to walk away from an acrimonious situation, I was not violent). He has form for magnifying any tiny fault on my part, blame shifting, projecting his faults onto me and launching smear campaigns (aided and abetted by his flying monkey parents).
I'm deeply concerned by the escalation in his behaviour and false allegations. I am a registered health professional and false accusations of violent or aggressive behaviour could have serious implications for my career.
How can I protect myself from false/ malicious allegations. I'm considering getting a ring door bell or using other means to record the drop offs. This would ensure there is irrefutable objective evidence of what actually transpired. Or perhaps I should make sure drop offs take place in a public place?
Does anyone have experience with managing childcare arrangements with a malignant narcissist who can give advice or ideas?