So I had it out with my partner couple of months ago about his drinking. He has a couple of cans a night; weekends maybe a bottle of wine. I’ve no issue with couple of cans my issue was he was going to the pub before returning home and not telling me and then having additional drink. When I’d ask he would say he came straight home. I found out he was going pub and confronted him - he was also hiding his car. He went defensive, turned it on me and then made out it was no big deal ‘he doesn’t have to tell me everything’. The lying really gets to me because we have a little girl and it annoys me that he would get off work early and go there instead of suggesting he picked our daughter up from nursery…or even returned home to spend more time with her.
after couple of days of not wanting to be around him we eventually started speaking- he actually stayed out for 2 nights (hotel&mums) I told him how I felt etc. He was really sensitive to me until he felt things had blown over and he went back to drinking couple of cans. Anyways couple of weeks I’ve felt uneasy and lo and behold I noticed his car parked up in a nearby street next to pub - he was in there. I gave him several opportunities to come clean but he skirted around it until I eventually had to tell him I knew. Yet again he turned it on me and made an excuse when he clearly stated earlier that he wasn’t there and hasn’t been to that pub for ages.
I'm at the point where it makes me feel sick! The lying really winds me up and I’m struggling to deal with it. That along the defensive behaviour and the fact he can’t accept he’s a functional alcoholic. He thinks because he gets up for work he’s not. Both myself and my partner came from broken homes - we both have childhood trauma (like so many people) and I am trying to avoid this for my daughter but I don’t know how I can overcome the lies and how he twists things. It’s frustrating because he’s a kind and generous person who idolises his daughter but he’s a people pleaser too and almost scared to disappoint.
am I overreacting? Should I just get over it and accept his winding down is a few beers? Like I said it’s the lying. My view is if he didn’t have a problem he wouldn’t need to lie. I just don’t get it!!