HI
I would love some support and to ask.. what others might do it my situation.
I am in my mid 50's and feel in love 2 years ago.
A few months ago I learnt that my husband began sharing my insecurities with his famlity, his friends and people in the community.He has also lied and slagged me off so much.
He has lived in this rural community for over 20 years. I have walked into the house and overheard him absolutely assassinate my character, twist truth and tell lies with great malevolence... then come downstair ( not knowing i heard) and be sweet.!
He has denied ever taking about me. We have what i thought was a conscious relationship where we agreed to never talk to others about each other in a nasty way but only to an independent person who can see both sides.
When i approached him in a calm and gentle way to given him the opportunity to come clean he turned around... locked eye contact ...and said: Listen sweetheart I would Never slag you off. ! I went cold.. the deliberate lie. thsi is a gaslight.
I am an HSP - a really sensitive person and i find it really hard to deal with this. I know other people can shrug off being talked about but ..this is such a betrayal. I do not have other people to talk to about this and cannot afford therapy . I have had to call Samaritans for someone to talk to and because i have been in so much pain.
We share a house and rent and both have health problems and are on U.C. It is really hard for me to find another place .. until i do .. i just don't know how to cope. Its also hard as he is here all the time and at times we get on really really well... and then he does something shitty . I have been living in a room mostly for a few months now coz i just don't want to interact there is so much tension...
I feel goaded and if i get easily upset and annoyed ( he never does ..which is frankly disturbing)
How do i cope with someone who keeps swithcing from mr nice to mr stab you in the back ( i am not sure he is aware of how much denial he is in) and someone who offers support (especially publically) but then leaves you to struggle , says he cares but constantly minmises your feelings and walks away if you are sobbing.. i could go on... i don't know how to cope .. I would love some feedback and support thank you x