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Relationships

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Original poster

Photos on phone

16 replies

mollymarie · 02/02/2023 12:16

Can someone help please, looking for advice! Ive been with my partner for just under 4 years now however I’ve come across some things that have upset me and I dont know where I lie with it. Ive found out he’s been paying for porn but lied to my face about it. I caught him the once and gave him a second chance but I know he is doing it again. The other thing, I’ve found hidden photos on his phone of other people. These include my close friends and people I know, whilst they haven’t sent photos its generally ones they’ve uploaded to instagram say in a bikini. I’ve sent him plenty of photos over the years but mine somehow dont appear to be saved…We haven’t had sex in 5 months now and I just dont know how I feel about it. Do I bring it up? But then I’ve been behind his back on his phone checking on him. Help!

OP posts:

nxa · 02/02/2023 12:18

If you're checking someone's phone, you're expecting to find something. So you're obviously suspicious of him and don't trust him, which I think probably answers your question. I'm sorry. I've been there and it's so hard.

StopGrowingPlease · 02/02/2023 12:22

If porn is a no for you then it's a no. He should respect that especially if you have talked about it before! As for the photos of your friends that's just weird and creepy. They are not photos that were his to have in the first place and I would be really uncomfortable with that. As for the not having sex I think that depends on your relationship as a whole as some people are fine without it.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 02/02/2023 12:25

I’ve found hidden photos on his phone of other people. These include my close friends and people …., ones they’ve uploaded to instagram say in a bikini.

Eugh, bleurgh🤢
ai’m sorry op.
It is gross, although I guess this is what many men do, but it’s stlm such a sad behaviour.

Do you want to continue with him?

And also, you said you send him pictures, not with your face , or something people can recognise you?
I’d say start from there, making sure your pictures are deleted, from everywhere.
I don’t want to alarm you, but since he is this creepy, I wouldn’t put it past him to share your pictures.

GoodChat · 02/02/2023 12:26

Just get rid of him. He saves pictures of your friends in underwear. He's scummy.

Biscuits1011 · 02/02/2023 12:29

Oh god I don’t think I could get over that. It’s wrong about the photos. But also wrong he’s watching porn when you don’t want him to, and also watching porn while you don’t even have a sex lite. I think stuff the fact you’ve gone through is phone. Confront him about that. And also I’d be saying either quit the porn and work on our sex life or pack ya bags.

Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 12:34

Oh yuck - why on earth aren’t you chucking his bags out on the street as we speak?

If you confront him he’ll just gaslight you and come up with some pathetic excuse - but what possible excuse could he have for saving photos of your friends in their bikinis in his phone? He’s clearly using them for wank fodder.

And no sex for 5 months? Probably he’d rather a quick wank to some porn or a pic of your friend rather than making the effort to have sex with you, his real life flesh and blood girlfriend?

I don’t understand how any woman could be intimate with a man again who treats her with so little respect.

GreyCarpet · 02/02/2023 13:02

I'd he's downloading photos of your friends from the Internet to wank over later then I'd dump him for that regardless of anything else.

MMmomDD · 02/02/2023 13:09

Porn - it’s one of those divisive issues. If it’s a dealbreaker for you - you need to leave. For many people it’s a non issue and I’d find it controlling if my partner tried to censor what I look at for my solo time.

Not keeping your intimate photos - may not be a bad thing, given that this is unlikely to last. But also in general - I do think it’s unrealistic to expect that any partner will fantasise about you 100% of the time, when they are masturbating.

HOWEVER ……
Keeping hidden pictures of your friends, even if they are posted on SM - really yucky…

And - for a clearly sex obsessed man - no sex for 5 mo - is a sign of something being wrong.

What is holding you in this relationship???

IsThePopeCatholic · 02/02/2023 13:16

He sounds sleazy. I would dump him. You’ll never be able to trust him, so what’s the point?

samqueens · 02/02/2023 13:38

Twawmyarse2 · 02/02/2023 12:34

Oh yuck - why on earth aren’t you chucking his bags out on the street as we speak?

And no sex for 5 months? Probably he’d rather a quick wank to some porn or a pic of your friend rather than making the effort to have sex with you, his real life flesh and blood girlfriend?

I don’t understand how any woman could be intimate with a man again who treats her with so little respect.

This ^^

Pinkbonbon · 02/02/2023 13:39

GoodChat · 02/02/2023 12:26

Just get rid of him. He saves pictures of your friends in underwear. He's scummy.

This with bells on.

I mea, what's wrong with just being single op? Why don't YOU love you? Because in even considering staying with this 'man' - either you've never really thought about the fact that you have value and shouldn't keep shitty people in your life OR you actively martyr yourself because of some sort of deep seated self loathing, perhaps formed in childhood as a result of abuse or neglect.

Don't date creeps op. You deserve better. Everyone decent does.

GoldDuster · 02/02/2023 13:51

He's wanking over photos of your friends in their bikinis.

I'll say that again, he is masturbating over photos of your close mates bodies.

If that isn't enough for you to end a relationship, what is?

Aikko · 02/02/2023 13:59

GoldDuster · 02/02/2023 13:51

He's wanking over photos of your friends in their bikinis.

I'll say that again, he is masturbating over photos of your close mates bodies.

If that isn't enough for you to end a relationship, what is?

This.

He'd rather get himself off to photos of your friends.
You're not having sex because he is satisfying his own sexual needs and not thinking about you.

The choice is obvious.

Pesimistic · 02/02/2023 14:55

Honestly, it's over, you know this realy. You've not had sex in 5 months he's prioritising porn and screen shots of other women, it's clear it's over for him he's checked out.

SunshineAndFizz · 02/02/2023 14:58

GoldDuster · 02/02/2023 13:51

He's wanking over photos of your friends in their bikinis.

I'll say that again, he is masturbating over photos of your close mates bodies.

If that isn't enough for you to end a relationship, what is?

Sorry, but this.

Still not sure? Read it again.

Now leave the creep.

missunderstood2023 · 02/02/2023 23:41

He's a porn addict and will do whatever he can to get his "fix".

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