This probably sounds silly but here we go. DP is mid 40s, average health, works a fairly physical job, no medication. He goes out and does hobbies 2/3 nights a week and all day at least one weekend day, sometimes both days. Even on his non hobby days, he has something going on (visiting parents, shopping etc) which means we very rarely start any sort of evening together before 8 or 9pm. So we very rarely have an evening or day together. I have DC, he doesn’t.
I try to do absolutely everything around the house before he gets back so we get some time together. He will get home and we will eat dinner (I usually wait for him as otherwise I really wouldn’t see him at all!), then I tidy away while he’s on his phone for a bit then by the time I sit down too it’s 9/9:30. He will usually ask do I want to watch something, chooses an episode of something we are watching together, then within a minute or two, he’s fast asleep. Not “resting his eyes” or napping but full on, head back, snoring until the credits (this tends to wake him up). Depending on the time he might suggest we watch another one, I’ll say he slept through that one and he says he didn’t, he heard it etc and knew what was going on. Other times he will admit he “felt himself nodding off then”, we used to rewatch stuff so he didn’t miss it but I won’t do this now, I just have him constantly asking “who’s that?” etc. He’s very set on his bed time (won’t go to bed early as he will be up at 5am apparently!), but won’t go later either. He also insists on getting up at a set time each day saying if he lays in he won’t sleep that night. When he goes to bed he falls asleep quickly and seems to sleep well at night (he has a watch that monitors his sleep etc), he sleeps for about 8 hours a night in bed.
It seems extreme to me, I’m sure everyone has tired days but this is every single day. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he gets very defensive. He says he can’t help it and it’s just him. Denies it’s age as he says he’s always been like it. He says when he needs to sleep, he just sleeps and nothing can be done. And yet he can be at one of his hobbies until 9 or 10pm sometimes, will often stay chatting with mates and he’s wide awake then. I’ve been there when we’ve all been sat inside in the warm or outside in the dark in the summer and he’s fine. He drives home in the dark after one of his hobbies most evenings, completely fine. And when he occasionally goes out with friends (not often) he can be out and awake until 11:30, either sat in a pub or on a train home and he’s never once nodded off then.
He once got home at 5:20pm with no plans for the evening (very, very rare) and was asleep by 5:30! This was especially annoying as I had something important to talk to him about (health related-me) and as soon as I started, he nodded off. I tried waking him once because I really wanted to tell him about my appointment and he got annoyed saying he can’t help when he needs to sleep and I have to just deal with it and he slept for 2 hours, woke up and ate and then fell asleep again. This can’t be normal?
He was anaemic a few years ago and so I told him he needed to see a doctor in case it was that again, she gave him full blood tests (I told him to request B12 etc too in case it was medical, which I doubt at this point as he can stay awake for friends/hobbies/etc), and they all came back clear. He’s sure it’s “just him” but I can’t remember him being like this when we were dating and only saw each other one or two nights a week. I can’t be sure but I think I’d remember never seeing him! I’m sure it’s only in the last year or so since we’ve been living together.
Is this normal? I’m actually so lonely, I have disabled DC and rarely get a night off (they do go to their dad but not as often as they used to) and so a couple of hours with my partner is about as much of an evening I can hope for. I just want to chat about our days, maybe watch a film, maybe even have a cuddle on the sofa. But I end up sat alone watching a TV show he’s chosen or scrolling MN listening to him snore. It’s really starting to get me down.