His resentment about holidays

[Provenza]

In a recent conversation my bf expressed his resentment for paying for our trips abroad last year. These trips were suggested by him and I contributed where I could, but much less than what he paid. I have always been transparent with him about my financial situation (I earn much less than he does) and he never ever raised it as an issue, neither had he suggested at the time that I should have paid more. If I knew how he really felt, I simply would not have gone away with him.
My feelings went from shock, to upset, to now anger. He feels used. I feel hurt,
conned and gaslighted to believe that I’m a bad person. Not sure how to move on from this.
AIBU? How would you deal with it?

I had dc when I met dh.. He felt appreciative of being welcome to join our lives not making me feel grateful he came along... Or feeling bad I had dc.

He sounds like a grudge-harbouring tight asshole. Bin, bin, bin.

Nah, he isn’t begrudging the kid a hol, he’s begrudging that he paid for her and thinks she’s using him.

This has stemmed from a lack of communication. He probably assumed you would pay for other stuff if he paid for the holiday

You need a proper talk.

@Activelyannoyed that’s how I’m reading his recent behaviour.

I would pull right back from this relationship.
The next time he suggests going somewhere which costs money say no, you can’t afford it and do not go.
If he suggests coming to your house it’s a no - it doesn’t suit you. See him sparingly and pay your own way. Don’t have him in your home with your child and don’t accommodate him. After all why should you pay for the warm house he will be sitting in?

That was a nasty move on his part. All he had to do was suggest that in future you could (together) discuss holidays that would be within budget for you, not imply after the fact that he thinks you were sponging off him, esp when you were upfront about what you could afford. I think if he is so easily swayed by the stuff he reads on the Internet, then you've got to ask yourself, what's next?
I'm not surprised you feel this has tainted the holidays you had together. You must be feeling totally shat on by him.

Unnecessarily mean - re-writing history.
If you don't want relationship to end (I would) then next time he suggests a trip you have to say that your budget is x so where can we go with that. If he wants bigger holidays then either he pays or goes alone. He probably wants you to be all grateful for him being the big man....🤢

@HomeTheatreSystem exactly. It would be fine if he said ‘We had a lovely time last year but going forward I will not be able to contribute that much. Can we talk about it?’ Or sth along those lines.
I feel disvalued.

I think what he's trying to say, is that you are going to have to contribute more money on the holidays you take together as he can no longer afford to pay for you.

Just pay your 50%, make sure when you book you've got enough time to save for your contribution.

OP said she was fine not going and had told him her financial situation.

HE wanted to go on those trips and wanted her to go too. And so paid.

she didn’t say let’s go on a super expensive holiday and you pay.

You deal with it by realising and accepting that he isn't what he appears.

He could have very reasonably not suggested more holidays, reduced the length and type or simply asked for a 50% contribution.

He has chosen to be petty and mean and petulant about it.

This is who he is.

Dump him.

You are wasting your time with him.

That said, there's a balance where you budget together. So if you want to take DC to Disney and blow your budget, and then can only afford camping with DP, then that's a bit unfair.

That's not unfair. That's parenthood. You put the child before the boyfriend.

The online stuff actually seems to provide the answer for his behaviour. He's taken the red pill and is now rewriting history to fit his newly adopted ideology.

You've done nothing wrong and it sounds like he was happy with the arrangement at the time. But now you need to get out quick.

In that case, he should have discussed the holiday budget & destination & who was paying for what before he booked the holiday.

Did he not enjoy the holiday together ?

Holidays abroad are not an essential, he should budget accordingly

It's one thing for him to change his mind about his financial contribution, he's allowed, if he talked about it reasonably that would be fine. But it's an entirely different to call you a user, and try and re-write history. Get him in the bin.