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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave DC with DP while he is in recovery?

3 replies

Weejit · 01/02/2023 11:43

DC has a stomach bug and will not be able to go to nursery tomorrow and possibly Friday. I am due to be at work in a job I started a few weeks ago. Friday is due to be the first shift I do solo as my line manager on annual leave. There is no one to cover me if I don't go in.

DP has had a genuinely horrific couple of years which meant he was unable to contribute much when it came to parenting. I have been doing 95% of everything. He was physically incapable due to a major injury and mentally incapable due to depression and insomnia. Unfortunately he turned to alcohol to cope and continued to drink heavily even when recovered from the pain.
He is currently on a week long suspension from work for drinking. His boss was very supportive and has given him the time to sort himself out. He has seen his doctor and has been going to AA meetings once or twice a day this week. He is very much talking the talk, no longer blaming his problems on anyone else, taking responsibility for his actions etc etc. (in the past it has all been my fault for not being supportive enough) I have no idea whether he is telling the truth or if it's all show and he is still drinking. He always took great pains to cover it. I was once obsessive about keeping track of it and now try stay removed for my own sanity.

He has offered to look after DC tomorrow as he will be at home anyway which is great. However I have reservations. He is a very loving dad but in the past his 'childcare' (while I showered or nipped to the shop) has consisted of putting the TV on and handing out an endless supply of treats between alcohol induced naps, leaving DC to his own devices. DC is an active 2year old who gets very frustrated when he isn't getting enough attention. His tantrums can be trying to the most patient of people and DP is not currently overflowing with patience. I want to support him, allow him to be a dad and trust that he has changed but I'm finding that very hard to do.

Should I have faith in his insistence that he is capable and leave them alone tomorrow or is it too early in his recovery?

OP posts:
MaverickGooseGoose · 01/02/2023 11:44

No I wouldn't.

MarryMeTomHardy · 01/02/2023 11:46

Sorry, but it is too early to trust his recovery, he has made a positive start which is a big step but only the beginning. I have personal experience of your situation - I hope that he continues his recovery journey as positively as he has started.

Happygone · 01/02/2023 13:01

It's too early. Good luck to him.

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