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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex indirectly ruining new relationship

3 replies

pedalfor6 · 01/02/2023 10:49

I was left absolutely heartbroken a year ago when my ex left me out of the blue, and telling me everything he told me wasn’t true for a while, he was simply going through the motions. I was in love with this man and he led me along for months. We argued a fair amount but I always thought this was normal.

It took me a long time to heal. Therapy, lots of time with friends, and lots of crying. But I got myself in a much better place. Now, I don’t think of this man in a positive way and I’m glad I dodged a bullet.

I recently got into a new relationship with a lovely man 3 months ago. He can’t do enough for me. But, I’m so hyperactive of every tiny thing that happens.
We had a couple of arguments last week, nothing major but I instantly reacted to this. My mind goes to “it’s the same thing as before, this means we’re not meant to be, this means the same thing will happen as last time, and I’m going to be heartbroken again”. So I withdraw myself, I tell myself he deserves better than me, that he should save himself the hassle, and that I’m not healed.

It’s really affecting me and it’s basically me convincing myself it’ll end the same way everytime something happens, that happened with my ex. If everything isn’t perfect all of the time, my guards go up.

Any advice? It’s really bothering me, thanks all x

OP posts:
pedalfor6 · 01/02/2023 11:50

Bump

OP posts:
Goosegoose21 · 01/02/2023 11:53

I say this with kindness. I don't think you're ready for another serious relationship yet. I'd cool it off and perhaps look at getting some therapy.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/02/2023 11:55

Your ex isn’t ruining it. You’re not ready to date yet. That’s okay. But it’s not fair on you or the guy you’re dating. He’s not to blame for your ex being a shit.

It’s not normal to argue a lot either. Why would you think it was?

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